new here. Feel like dying

[Dom R]

ladybug:


First off, let me say something positive:
I think it's great that you are going through with the counselling again, as he wanted.

The attitude that you write about it, along with what you have previously written about your marriage situation, makes me wonder about you, though.

-------

if you really want to have a good marriage.... you need to be willing to consider when you are wrong.

it doesnt sound like you are.
It sounds like you are only doing it to "prove your husband wrong", rather than allowing for any possibility that he could have legitimate concerns.

it sounds like your husband might (MIGHT!) have legitimate concerns... but rather than face them and evaluate them together, you are evading, and using intimacy-killing tactics like accusing your husband of "being controlling".

If someone isnt willing to discuss something openly and fairly ... just about ANYTHING can be stalled evaded/blocked with a "you're controlling" accusation.

Ok, so you avoided having to deal with the issue. congratulations... you avoided feeling uncomfortable with yourself.
didnt help your marriage any, though..

-----

You were on medication previously. You were on medication, because a medical professional determined that you should be taking medication.
you went off them when "things seemed better".
Your husband got really upset when you went off the meds.


This is classic behaviour of someone who does have depression, but makes their family miserable with their anger/depression/moodswings, because they dont take their medication regularly, even when they "feel ok".

Your husband may be right. You may well now know, from your previous experience, how to avoid giving "wrong answers"
and give "right" answers, to give a counsellor the impression that you are just fine and dont need help.

If you truely love your family... your husband and your children.... then for their sake, be willing to reconsider that you may be the one with the problem.

We have already established that you have a problem controlling your temper.
So there is very clearly SOME problem that you have to deal with, for the good of your family. It may or may not be depression. But, for the sake of your family, please drop the "there's nothing wrong with me, he has to change" mentality.

I'm not saying that your husband doesnt have his faults. I'm sure he does; we all do.
How about making sure that you do your best to fix what you have direct control over first though: yourself.