Jak and Matilda, There was some turbulence and connection last night.
We had dinner together at the dining room table. The topic of conversation was my W's distress about her friend putting ice cubes in her wine, and her growing intolerance about her lack of grammatical and social skills. This has been a long-term friendship with someone who is not functioning well in most areas of her life. My W seems to lately view her from a different perspective.
My W values grammar and social graces highly, and is distressed when I chew my food with my mouth open or make a grammatical error. She says that I don't try hard enough to make changes.
My W made a smoothie for me in the blender.
The handyman installed horizontal blinds in the three bedrooms and the dining room. It makes the home look larger and cleaner. I don't think we're going to reinstall the drapes, as they collect cat hair.
Afterwards my W told me that the handyman and her sister wanted to know if I was depressed due to the clutter in the home and basement, over the years. I got defensive, thinking that she was placing the blame on me for the neglect of the household. I became silent, because I don't think I'm depressed, and didn't understand the intent of the conversation.
She became angry at me saying that I was "shutting down" like I always do. I left the room for about ten minutes and came back. I told her that I would consider her comments and think about it.
She also went into sharing her frustration with my role in housecleaning. After listening to her voice her complaint, I validated her by saying that she wants me to increase my participation in cleaning, to take more intitiative on my own, and to increase the quality of what I do. She said yes.
I was worn-out by the evening, and went to bed. She stayed-up and cleaned. She also provided me with a list of chores she wants done.
We touched base this morning, and she wanted to know if I thought about last night. I told her that I spent some time cleaning before I went to work, and that I didn't think I was depressed, but probably was at various times over the years. The morning was more pleasant.
She has raised the cleaning standards of the home (which were pretty low before). I'm going to need to adapt, as this is a priority for her.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
