Quote: So, what's the rant? I am tired of feeling like there's something wrong with me for feeling emotions and feeling them deeply. I am tired of feeling as though I'm living with someone who cannot tolerate that part of me. I actually had the thought this morning that D. might not be the wrong idea after all. I want to be able to ask for reassurance and not feel like there's something wrong with me for grieving a part of my childhood. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me.
I at times feel the same way...but as I said to you before...your childhood is YOUR childhood, not h's...sit for a second and think in his shoes..."why can't she just be like me" he had a different childhood than you did...accept it understand it...
he felt no need to analyze the conversation with you because you did it for yourself...you understood where your fears where comming from..and let him know...and you appologized...he said "ok" because it was ok..he understands that you have issues from childhood that still linger...he understands that they are your issues and you are trying to deal with them...for him to sit and analyze them with you would be fruitless...it's your job not his...he didn't have to express any understanding with his it's ok...he could have said "but I'm not your parents. when will you get over it..your not a kid anymore...jeez why do you have to be like this" but he didn't he said...it's ok...then you continued to analyze and were distant and cold..then analyzed his reaction...etc etc etc...
when you need a hug or want a hug...if you gotta ask for one it's ok..yes it would be wonderful if they would read our minds and know that we need one..but they can't.
look I had to ask for a hug when I was upset about h keeping ow as a customer...would it have been better if I didn't have to ask...you betcha...but it still felt good...becuase I was the one who needed the hug not h.
Quote: After about 20 minutes I asked him if I could have a hug. He said "sure" and "what's wrong, honey?"
when you appologized and he said "it's ok" for him that was the end of that issue...it had been settled already...thus the "what's wrong, honey?" (he called you honey!!! that's a good thing)
Quote: So, what's the rant? I am tired of feeling like there's something wrong with me for feeling emotions and feeling them deeply. I am tired of feeling as though I'm living with someone who cannot tolerate that part of me. I actually had the thought this morning that D. might not be the wrong idea after all. I want to be able to ask for reassurance and not feel like there's something wrong with me for grieving a part of my childhood. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me.
god you sound like me, there is nothing wrong with being the way you are...but you must accept the fact that there is also nothing wrong with h being the way he is. thinking of d at this time is not uncommon...everyone here knows I've done more than think about it. and from the look of things...h does want to be with you!!
Quote: WE haven't been "doing the stuff that works".
well then get back to doing more of what works!!
Quote: Anyway -- lunch is on. Got my best "as if" cap to wear. I'm looking forward to being with him and seeing him.
relax and have a great time...let yesterday be yesterday and make today a better day!!!
