It is possible that your H is just weak, and his attempts to sever the relationship with the OW only made her more determined to pull his strings. It's still much too early in his "recovery" even if he is/was sincere about cutting off the OW. And like drug addicts relapses are all too common. Going "cold turkey" requires a strength of character that our spouses just don't have, unfortunately, or they wouldn't have strayed so far in the first place. These things take time and it wears on us, the LBS's.
His hostile reaction to you knowing about this relapse is also very characteristic of an addict.
I am by no means suggesting you should cut H some slack. On the contrary, I am telling you this in hopes it might ease the pain of his betrayal somewhat, for your sake. I believe in tough love, and that is what these poor souls need more than anything.
Yes, it's so darn hard. Especially when you start to realize that what you hope for, the survival of the M, becomes a long shot, or a tenuous house of cards. It becomes discouraging to face this challenge when our spouse is not only NOT helping, but often working against us.
DB'ing, GAL, Going Dark are all mechanisms not so much to win the WAS back but to help us survive this hurricane.
