Hardly faking it anymore: Puddle's third thread

[Heimlich]

Yeah, but thankfully it's not about you." It was about the kids. Still is.

Hey, Puddle. Sounds like things are going pretty well. For some reason, out of everything I read/skimmed throughout today, the line above jumped out at me.

I am definately down with trying for the kids. However, and I almost hate to type this, do you think you can really and truly be happy with your H? From what you've written, I think you can. I primarily say that because of the emotional honesty/openness issue. If you can learn to open up to your H (providing, of course, that he eventually turn around), it looks from the outside looking in that you probably could build a good life together.

Still . . .

Anyway, just a quick thought and one that I hope doesn't put the brakes on the flirting and the sexy undies (mmmmmmmmmmmm).

Best,

BD

[Not Much Left]

Wow, ya get some nasty little divorce papers, flake out for a few days and BAM we got puddle in sexy undies??? What's parallel universe are we living in, alien spew, crazy WAS's....

[Puddle]

Hey Heim! Nice to see you back. I'll look forward to hearing about your trip.

However, and I almost hate to type this, do you think you can really and truly be happy with your H?

I'm not sure, Heim. I was pretty content before, but that was before digging into all this stuff about me and the kind of person I want to be, life I want to have, etc. Now that I'm feeling pretty good about all that, excited thinking about the kind of R I'd like to have, I'm not sure H is up to it.

From what you've written, I think you can. I primarily say that because of the emotional honesty/openness issue. If you can learn to open up to your H (providing, of course, that he eventually turn around), it looks from the outside looking in that you probably could build a good life together.

So you're thinking the happiness question is about me? I know I want emotional honesty in my life and Rs; it's something I was working toward with H before the bomb but when he was already done (needless to say, he wasn't very receptive).

Anyway, regardless of what happens with H, I know that that's something I want for myself. The truth is, I wonder whether it wouldn't be easier with someone else. I know that's typical WAS stuff, but that's where I am right now.

Anyway, just a quick thought and one that I hope doesn't put the brakes on the flirting and the sexy undies (mmmmmmmmmmmm).

Oh dear. No, no, no brakes. Again, the beauty of the whole thing is that's something that's going to benefit me (probably more than him). I'm always happy to hear your thoughts.

Your question seems to imply that you wonder less about whether I can be happy with H than whether I'll prove capable of opening up. Is that it?

Wow, ya get some nasty little divorce papers, flake out for a few days and BAM we got puddle in sexy undies???

It's all about cheering you up, CVA, to lighten things up a bit over there! But yeah, it does feel a bit like a parallel universe (and a fun one).

Take care.

[Heimlich]

No energy to type up my own thoughts at the moment. Spent the day saying goodbye, not sure how long she has left. I hope to make it to 96 with my mind intact.

Now that I'm feeling pretty good about all that, excited thinking about the kind of R I'd like to have, I'm not sure H is up to it.

Honestly, I feel the same way about my W. I think she's up to it, but not 100% sure.

The truth is, I wonder whether it wouldn't be easier with someone else. I know that's typical WAS stuff, but that's where I am right now.

In many ways, you're absolutely right. It WOULD be easier to start over with someone new. Good lord, chucking the baggage I have iwth my W and deciding to begin the search for someone new is very appealing. That said, working through all of that shyte could lead to a very appealling and deeply satisfying R. Getting there . . . man, that would/will take a lot of effort.

I'm always happy to hear your thoughts.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM . . . sexy undies. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Your question seems to imply that you wonder less about whether I can be happy with H than whether I'll prove capable of opening up. Is that it?

Actually, the two are intertwined. One, as you say, can your H give you what you want? Second, can you be emotionally as open as you'd like to be with him? Seems to me you're dedicated to being a more open, emotional person with whoever eventually becomes your partner for the rest of your life -- your H, earth mother christener, crazy XH of COW (:)), etc. As nuts as all of our lives are just now, you could open up and find that your H is the man of your dreams, open up and find out he can't give you what you want, not open up with him because of his behavior and miss an opportunity to be happy, or open up to your H in a way that leaves you open to a future R with someone else that will be fulfilling on every level. My guess is you're going for either 1 or 4 there.

If it helps, CVA, I'll start wearing sexy underwear too. Thong, thethong thong thong thong.

BD

[S.T. _I Made It!]

Yikes Heim! on the thongs

I'm not really sure I agree about it being easier to just find someone new. True, you wouldn't have that baggage, but you know what, you'll get NEW baggage. Only because there is NEVER going to be that perfect person, because we are all flawed/sinners/imperfect. We will actually be bringing in our own baggage from our previous R and possibly them from their previous R. Of course reconciling isn't easy. it's definitely tough as well. I think the biggest thing, is about our selfishness and our humbleness, or lack of it. Working on our R has to be very much a selfless effort with an enormous humbling attitude. So of course it's a tough thing to do. However, starting a whole new R with someone else, I would almost bet my life that a new "sitch" will happen with them too, and the whole cycle happens again, maybe not as severe, or maybe more severe, depending on our commitment and wisdom and attitude from both people.

But I know that you guys are still toughing it out with your WAS and that is wonderful. I can't say that I suffered as hard or as long as you all are, but I did suffer much and I praise God for what he allowed me to go thru.

[L21959]

Puddle --

Where are you and your sexy undies today??

And Heim

If it helps, CVA, I'll start wearing sexy underwear too. Thong, thethong thong thong thong.

Are you trying to desensitize CVA to ever wanting to visualize thongs again??? THis is just soooo wrong

On the other hand, this is great stuff

One, as you say, can your H give you what you want? Second, can you be emotionally as open as you'd like to be with him? Seems to me you're dedicated to being a more open, emotional person with whoever eventually becomes your partner for the rest of your life

Great distillation of what it seems like a lot of us are working toward right now...thanks.

L2

[Not Much Left]

Oh boy

(((Puddle))) that was harsh no? "Its all about CVA..." that is scary. I am trying to get away from that image and apparently it is coming through loud and clear, Mr. Selfish, its all about me coming through like a freight train! Crap, Ok, I was just having some fun!

Anyway, totally agree ST, I was about to type the same thing. A new R will not be easier in my opinion.

C

[new_attitude]

Anyway, totally agree ST, I was about to type the same thing. A new R will not be easier in my opinion.

I'm going to chime in with saying that I agree with ST and CVA. Why would a new R be easier? By this age, we all have baggage of some sort or another. I guess I prefer the baggage I know to the baggage I don't know. Also, with the kids involved (and possibly kids with the new OP), things could be super-complicated.

[Pudmuddle]

Hey Puddle,

I wasn't using the kids as an excuse: I really couldn't hang out. What I mean by pulling back is I'm flirting with him a lot less, and I'm consciously thinking about him as a friend and not a possible romantic interest. There'll be plenty of time for that later, with him or someone else

This is what is happening already with me but for my H. I am just seeing him as a friend now and feel like I am losing interest... and just plain feels weird.

[Heimlich]

OK, for the record, I would NOT subject anyone to me in a thong.

Regarding the meeting someone new being easier. OK, right, a new R would have lots of baggage of whatever sort -- kids, past R, jobs, living arrangements, finances, etc. However, I still think the whole getting to know you, falling in love part could be easier with someone totally new because there isn't any immediate personal baggage between the new couple. I'm not saying that R would ultimately be better, just that it could/would be easier without the amount of pain that our spouses have inflicted on us and vice versa to begin something new.

I remain committed to the idea that if all of us could get through to the other side with our current spouses that that relationship would be one for the ages.

BD