I have scanned over your posts and hope I didn't miss something, but you remind me a lot of my H expecially where the lack of conversation is concerned. He also cut himself off from me where his emotions were concerned. I, on the other hand, needed him to talk to me and open up his emotions......despartley! But, he didn't and as the years rocked on, I felt more and more lonely and unfulfilled as a W. So, I think I can identify with your W.
I think you see where you have really taken her for granted and that you can't have a true relationship if you don't share yourself in every way with your spouse. I am proud of you for finding a C to help you learn how to do this. You need to do get better at this before having children b/c they would probably be left with some serious hang-ups having a dad that would not share himself with them.
I hope that things will work out between the two of you. If they don't, keep improving yourself b/c you are young and you will want to have another R with a lady some day and you will be a better H t her. However, maybe it isn't too late for this M. She is starved to death for your affection. Lots of non-sexual affection goes a very long way with most W's. And conversation......do the best you can. She knows you and she can tell that you are trying.....that is all she asks for right now is to try.
If you have been somewhat "lazy" or neglegent about doing spceial things with her, then if she is open to suggestions.....try it out. Depending on where you live, but this time of year here is wonderful for taking long walks or drive through the woods. Anything that would be doing something but maybe not applying too much "romantic" pressure right now, unless of course, you get signals that she would like that from you.
I know what the DR book says about the pursuing, etc., and I agree, but I would like to suggest that you be careful about GAL and not over-do to the point you appear to her to be much happier without her and like you are suddenly coming to "life" after she said she was through. To me, that would hurt to think that was what I always wanted from my H and then he waited until I was "dried up" before he finally decided to start living. I may have misunderstood that part, like I said, I kind of scanned over your thread.
God to go for now. I'll try to check be with you. \
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
