good luck with the move Kel!! glad my nuggets help you, I have a tiny cheat sheet with me at all times, I re read them when I am strying from the piecing path \:D

Wow, so much I really wanted on the open was said at the C, my C is the best, he put it all out there, my H was beligerent for a bit (I interrupted a bit, bleah) but C did planted the questions out there for H: "so, how much do you want this M?" "if you dont' feel confortable with her (told him about our sleeping arrangments) then why are you with her" "is it because the rent is cheap?" through it all there were many many long pauses by my H, which I find hard NOT to interpret as a yes or a no, I know he needs his time to think but it is still hard to sit still and quiet.

Everything that has been cooking in my little braind the MC brought up, and I was right, H was waiting for some sort of "emotion" towards me to materialize to signal he should work on the M. The MC told him 3x in different ways that it is the DECISION to be loving, affectionate and good to your W that will bring healing, not just waiting for emotions to move him into action.
He reminded him how HE was the one who was unfaithful and that he shouldnt' expect me to trust him 100% nor that I shouldn't have a right to be upset if A talk comes up. H kept saying he didn't feel those feelings yet, MC told him "is not about feelings, it is about MAKING the concious decision to make this M work, if you are waiting for emotions to came back it isn't going to happen."
H said how he felt unsure and still unconfortable about us being intimate, how in the past it was a tool and that it really affects him and that being intimate it leaves open to manipulation (maybe that part was also what mess him up during the A). I have not rejected him once, but anyways, I didn't realize that was one of his fears.

Anywaysssssss.... he has a few decisions to make and it is not up on the air anymore, he has such a hard time understanding what needs to be done, I know he gets overwhelmed easily but he now has heard that he can't just wait for the emotions to guide him, that he needs to make consious decisions to make our M work.

Boy i'm drained... though I feel much better.

Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2

30something
2kids
survivor of S, MLC, A, D
I have peace in my heart, at last.