Detachment, What is it? What does it look like?

[missmyfriend]

Vali, I think that since you are aware of this, you can better deal with "building walls" as opposed to detaching. My W and two of my three children build walls around their hearts, convincing themselves that they do not have feelings anymore, when in fact the feelings are there, just buried. Everyone is different Vali so maybe detaching from those feelings will work but I would recommend not detaching from the anger, resentment or disgust but instead understanding them and releasing them according to the root cause of the feelings. The same thing I would recommend of the love that you used to acknowledge for your H. Just take it slow and do not be hard on yourself. Detaching (letting go without losing love for someone) is so important.

As far as H being too far gone, no one knows. We cannot even guess what God's desires are for you. I will say He wanted your M to be joyous but He can't force your H to come back home. He can make it uncomfortable and have little pleasure for your H but He won't force your H to go back home. I cannot even guess God's timetable and I personally don't want to force God to send my W back home before she is ready. My W is too messed up to come back home right now.

Vali, you are so awesome. I have been reading your posts for months and you show so much strength. Thank you for what you have done for me.