When you say no to champagne....

[sage]

My friends,

Thank you for the continued support and for the excellent suggestions. I am feeling calmer today. Relaxing, taking my time before reacting, acting as if, the stop sign...all stuff I need to be using regularly.

Today is April 1st. 5 months ago to the day I found out for certain that my H. was having an A. I was going to reread my entire thread library to see how things have evolved but I'm not sure I have the stamina! Ah, what the heck....I'll be back in a minute!

da dum da dum da dum da dum

Wow. That was long and boring. OK! It wasn't boring AT ALL! Lots and lots of good DB'ing, insights, support from by BB friends, etc. I'm glad I took the time to reread.

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So, I keep saying I'm going to reread DR and post new goals. I will get there! Promise. Maybe even this week. but in the interim, I guess I'd like to post a recap of what's improved and what still needs work.

What's really gotten better:
H is much more loving and affectionate with me

H is MUCH more interested in our life together (house, finances, etc)

H seems much happier with himself and with me

H is much more romantic with me

I am a much better listener (and H. is talking a lot more)

I have identified some areas w/in myself that are in need of, say, focus

I am less controlling of H. than I used to be (much less inclined to try to direct him in terms of job, etc)

I have a clearer picture of the things that interest H.

I have stopeed taking my M and H for granted.

I have invested time and energy into understanding myself, understanding H and our M

I am able to notice positive things in our M more readily (this still need more focus)

I am able to hear the different ways/languages that H. uses to tell me that he loves me

H. and I have successfully talked about more than one difficult topic

All in all, H is significantly more loving and interested in me and our M than ever. And, I have taken the time to see and appreciate that!

What still needs work:
Banishing thoughts of OW (still, getting lots better)

Working on my own demons -- abandonment, mistrust, fear

Working on stopping my tacit attemts to control H

Working on not seeking the negative in the face of all the positives

Working on not creating crises just because they are my comfort zone

Working on self-managing my feelings when they make sense

Working on bringing up my feelings with H. in a timely fashion (as opposed to freaking out)

Working on distracting myself from negative thoughts, assumptions

Working on NOT mind-reading and NOT expecting H. to mind read

Working on believing good things about H. and about our M.

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I'm sure there's lots more stuff but it'll come out over the next few days.

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I'd gotten away from journalling three good things each day -- I'd like to start that up again.

1. H. asked me to sit on his lap during the Red Sox game as it would be "good luck" (apparently, I didn't sit on it long enough! Should have been there in the 9th inning!)

2. H not only asked to read my school paper but made some suggestions. this is the first time EVER in 2+ years that H has expressed an interest in my schoolwork.

3. H was very physically affectionate while we were watching TV last night.

Sage