So after 20 years and three kids together, this past Sunday morning as we are laying in bed the W hits me with ILYBNILWY. She says this has nothing to do with me. That she has simply fallen out of romantic love with me.
She says that I am a wonderful husband and father and no one could ask for more and it’s not fair to me not to have physical relationship.
She then says that she needs a life outside of me. She feels like she needs to get a job and take some classes. She doesn’t want me to provide for her anymore or buy her anything. She wants to pay for things.
I ask what this means for us and she says she doesn’t know. I ask her if I need to leave and she doesn’t know. She says there isn’t an OM and I believe her.
I never saw this coming, but should have. We’ve always said “I love you” multiple times a day, but lately I’ve worried that it seems forced. She used to cuddle with me on the couch, but not any more.
Sunday night she tells me that she doesn’t want me to move out and still wants me to sleep in our bed with her. She just needs time, but could want a divorce.
I’m devastated. I break down and you should know that I never cry. I turn into a big baby. Not attractive. Eventually I survive the day and through the miracle of Ambien fall asleep.
Monday:
I get up early to go to the gym while she is doing aerobics. I grab my coffee and say “have a good day” trying to give her space. She stops me and holds my arm to ask if I’m okay. Says that she is sorry for hurting me and that she was hurting me by not being honest before. She says that she needs time, doesn’t want me to move out and that there is still a chance once she finds herself she could love me again.
Work was hell. I was walking dead.
Monday night I got home and basically kissed the kids and went to bed.
Tuesday:
I get up early again and head to the door. This time she stops me, says she is sorry and hugs me.
At lunch I went out and took a drive. I thought about all the things that I had wanted and how I made all the family decisions and told her she didn’t have to work, that the family was the most important job for her, made her feel that her whole world was to take care of the kids and I.
Tuesday afternoon I spent the day reading through this website and gathering my thoughts.
Tuesday night I went home and told her that it was me. I said that I stifled and smothered her. That I had worked so hard to give her what I thought she wanted and needed instead of asking what she wanted and needed. I said that I didn’t want a divorce or a separation and that I would work to give her all the space and support she wanted.
Wednesday:
Another hug as I leave. No I love you like there used to be, no kiss.
Can any one help me? Am I making mistakes? Do I have a chance?
