H has left have I Done the right thing

[Evie]

yeah, calmed down a lot.

I have spoken to H regarding access for this week, that was sorted out very amecably. It does seem to me that H wants the kids the whole time he is not working (normal i guess) but I just feel that I don't matter, i'm worthless but good to childmind while he is at work and that if right now something were to happen to me it would be no great loss to him. I'm sure he would be really hurt if he thought that was what I was thinking. I know I need to re-build my own life to become a better more whole person.

One thing I have learnt is to not rush into anything, be that decisions or answers. I also need to listen more. My H said last night that a co-worker asked him if he was ok because he didn't seem himself. I didn't say anything for fear of saying something sarcastic (old behaviour) what I should have said was something like 'maybe your co-worker thought you seemed a bit distracted', but i have never thought that quickly, unfortunately.

Bought a book today called 'getting back together' - how to reconcile with your partner and make it last.

I was going to join the new KLA group, but didn't get the CD's in time. So will read the posts for now.

I believe the separation is giving me space from the pressure of being in a needy & unfulfilled R and I hope I will become much stronger over time, although atm i'm so busy that I don't have time to sit and reflect on the R and what was our individual behaviour that got us to this point was. Right now I don't know how i feel. I read recently that 'it was better to alone than lonely with a man' and that sums up how I feel, I have not had affection or a bond/connection with my H since our son was born 4 years ago, so the R justs feels the same except that H is not living under the same roof, although communication is getting better (not R stuff tho). I hope the S helps him realise that he still loves me deep down and would like in time to get back together. Hope that make sense?

One thing i don't understand with H is the amount of communication we have now. Over the last 6 months he hardly contacted me at all. Now he contact me so much that sometimes i want to shout 'leave me alone, give me space'.....He seems to contact me over anything and everything. I don't contact H at all unless neccessary or to thanks him for something kind he has done.

I don't know if i'm making progress or not, I really don't know what to think????

XD