I don't know mark to come up with all the stuff she mentioned shows she IS spending quite a bit of time thinking about this. It could be maybe to ease the guilt she feels. Like it woldn't be as bad if you were doing it to. But there is that small possibility it's because she cares. Can't stand the thought of you with someone else. Does she seem angered by it?
I agree that it's on her mind. I do know that the guilt of adultery has caught up to her. Before I reformed my ways, snooping revealed that she wanted to change the dynamic of their long-distance relationship. I have no idea now if she is still having sex with him. But I would be shocked if she were not still talking to/texting/emailing her "soulmate."
So she is wandering in limbo. I have no doubt that she is beginning to see that the "perfect life" that she dreamed of with her "perfect man" is never going to happen. Never. So she can either stick with me and rebuild, or go on her own. And now she strongly suspects that I am cheating on her. And although I have never cheated on her, she has absolutely no idea how far I have detached.
I can't say she's angry about it. It's like she "busted" me or something. I called her out: "Just come out and say it!!" Her reply: "I already did..... you make me laugh." (This brought to my mind the title of my next thread, btw). And no, she doesn't care about me at all.
Ok, I'll draw the line at peeing standing up. But I have taught my girls how to basically do it in public restrooms.
You are right. She has no idea how detached you are. If she is anything like H, she will feel she is blessing you with her presence when/if she decides to come back. Like now, it will still be all about her, what YOU will need to do to change in order for her to come back. Her eyes will be opened for sure.
Interesting development yesterday. But first some background:
Recall, if you will, that a few months ago, wife came to me and said, "I want to move forward with the divorce immediately after #1's Confirmation." I asked her why she was so eager to move forward. Her reply was that she did not want to spend the holidays with my family. OK...
Well, the Confirmation occured about 3 weeks ago. And no D talk from her.
So.... yesterday, she said, "I'm getting a bonus check for work soon. I want to reserve that money for...."
<<I held my breath>>
"...Christmas gifts."
OK, OK.... I hear ya. "Don't read into this." And I won't. IMO, she's thinking, "Whether we file before or after Christmas is of no consequence, because I will not be rid of him until next year anyway."
I just thought it was a rather unusual thing for somebody who is miserable and hell-bent on divorce to say...
And please do not jump for joy... I am not. There is a lot to work through, and, because of my level of detachment, the expectations that I have regarding what it will take for reconciliation may be more than she is willing to take on.
Hey Mark, My W has been complaining about our mortgage. Another "long-term statement?"
I probably should not have said it but my reply was. "We could always sell the house and just rent." (We would be taking big loss in the housing market right now).
In the beginning W also told me that she wanted to wait until Son was out of school. LAST YEAR.
Like you said don't put too much thought into it but if I was planning on getting out I would be liquidating. Then again we don't think like them.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
