Quoting shinybear: Did I recommend "Emotional Alchemy" to you? Yes, I think you said you had borrowed it from the library. READ IT!
SB -- I can't remember how I stumbled across Emotional Alchemy -- I've had it out from the library for about a month! But then I saw you mention it on your thread and started reading it today. It's probably going to be slow going but I like what I see so far. I really think that one of my biggest missteps is that I am not mindful -- I spend so much time in the past or the future, instead of in the moment.
Struggling a bit to stay within my "as if" mode right now -- H. sent 2 mails w/no ILYs in them (I know, I know -- but I"m used to him closing them that way) and he seemed to have that pent up energy when I just talked to him on the phone that reminds me of when he was in the throes of ea.
I will act "as if" all this nervous energy I'm feeling from him is because he loves me so much it makes him crazy!!!!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Yeah, that book isn't the easist of reads. I tend to skip over some of the scenic description etc...pretty bad when you're reading a book with a meditative theme! It gets more specifics a littl further in. That's where I found it most helpful.
Try to shake absent ILY's off (these were e-mails?). He might have been in a hurry, just forgot, who knows.
Do you really think if he were up to anything at all "suspicous" and was trying to cover it up, he'd have been that careless?
My H just turned in without saying goodnight. Not typical, but I'll just assume it was an oversight. He was tired.
Oh and before I go, Sage, you've read mindfulness stuff before, so skip to p63, Part II that's where the more applicable stuff is.
Hey SB -- Thanks for the feedback on "Emotional Alchemy" -- especially the hint about jumping to the meat of the matter!
As for the absent "ilys" -- it's not that I think H was up to anything suspicious -- just that I think our R. talks of last week set us back a bit and that bums me out. I described it to my C. as "we took off the bandaid and checked on the wound"....I guess that could make the wound hurt a bit more than usual, right?
Things feel really weird at home. The best way I can describe it is that H. seems to be walking around with some short of space shield around him. OK -- that's a crappy way to describe it! Um, he seems very emotionally and physically distant from me but not in a mad way but a sad one? Ah, crud -- go back to the space shield analogy.
We went out to pick up the champagne last night and then out to dinner. H. seemed reserved, cautious -- or perhaps he just had a significant case of itchy butt! I'm sure I didn't do the greatest "as if" modelling -- I tried to be upbeat w/o being too peppy or pressuring. At the same time, I felt sad and confused inside -- no doubt some of that came out.
What was kind of strange, though, was that after this sort of reserved evening, H. said "I really love you" after we got into bed and his voice was so full of emotion. Then, this morning, I woke up around 4:30am (alarm was set for 5am since we go to the gym in the AM -- that will make Shinybear COMPLETELY FREAK!!! ). I woke up because he was turned towards me touching my face! I figured that I must have been snoring or hogging the bed or something so I asked "what's up" and he said "just this" and kissed me a few times. Didn't go any further than that ... (was that what he was looking for? If so, I'm sorry I didn't pick up on it sooner! ) It was a very tender moment.
So..this morning I'm feeling somewhat sad and confused. I did a mindfulness meditation and that settled me quite a bit! Hooray! Sent H. an email asking if he wanted to see a movie tonight -- probably a better idea than us milling around each other wondering what the other is thinking.
I'm trying not to spend too much time contemplating what's going on for him -- mostly because it's a cheeseless tunnel. I hope he knows how much I love him is all.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: I asked "what's up" and he said "just this" and kissed me a few times. Didn't go any further than that ... (was that what he was looking for? If so, I'm sorry I didn't pick up on it sooner! ) It was a very tender moment.
So..this morning I'm feeling somewhat sad and confused.
Sage - snap out of it girl! H is telling you he loves you, being very sweet and tender, and you're sad and confused? You should be floating on air! Quit trying to mind read, would you? Listen to what he's TELLING you.
Hi Sage, I know what you mean about picking up vibes about feeling out of sorts ... uncomfortable.
How bout a little friendly competition between the two of you, playful ... a game of pool, bowling, darts, racquet ball, the arcade, bingo ... something that can be fun for the both of you.
Nothing like a little bit of fun to break up the tension and get comfortable again in each others company.
Quoting kml: Sage - snap out of it girl! H is telling you he loves you, being very sweet and tender, and you're sad and confused? You should be floating on air! Quit trying to mind read, would you? Listen to what he's TELLING you.
Ellie
Ellie -- Thank you for the 2x4! You are SO right! This malaise and fear is partly what I've been working on in C. Can you move into our house and keep the 2x4 handy? I need it!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quoting KAW: How bout a little friendly competition between the two of you, playful ... a game of pool, bowling, darts, racquet ball, the arcade, bingo ... something that can be fun for the both of you.
KAW -- These are great suggestions! One thing that definitely works for H and me is social stuff together. We ended up going to see a movie and I think that eased the tension some. We've been talking about going out to play pool so sounds like a plan for next week!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
OK -- that's a crappy way to describe it! Um, he seems very emotionally and physically distant from me but not in a mad way but a sad one? Ah, crud -- go back to the space shield analogy.
Then, this morning, I woke up around 4:30am (alarm was set for 5am since we go to the gym in the AM -- that will make Shinybear COMPLETELY FREAK!!! 
) It was a very tender moment.
) is just more realization on his part of how much he hurt you???