More complicated than I imagined...

[Michael Mc C]

wow. you're both absolutely right. maybe i'm not analytical - maybe it's neurotic! i simply did what i set out to do. her response was better than i expected. why look deeper into it? and quite frankly, regardless of what she has said, does it change anything that i have said, written or felt? absolutely not.

d13 just came out of bed and wished us a happy anniversary. after she went back to bed, W said "damn, she remembered but I couldn't". well... not much to say about that. i forgave her, she has a lot going on with her dad - besides, i didn't expect her to acknowledge today to be anything more than TUESDAY.

it turns out that today has been a great day for me. W and I have gotten along very well - not that we've been arguing lately - but we've spent a lot of quality time together. on top of that we went to a meeting to discuss finances and possbily consolidating some debts. while alone in the office she started talking about things we could do now since we'd have some extra money. did not read too much into it but that mutual future planning is something that stopped back in September.

still don't believe anything major has changed but it's been a blessing to have my self-esteem back AND to have 'normal' relations with her (i.e., my self-esteem doesn't rely on her approval nor does it rely on me feeling like I have the upper hand). we were equals today. i have no idea when that last happened.