Sage - I agree with others here that taking a permanent job with this company would be a bad idea. As for the temporary assignment - my H and I had a discussion last week about what we would do in certain theoretical future situations - for example, if OW comes back to work at H's jobsite (she's a travelling nurse and has family in town so that is very possible) or if we were to run into her when we are out together surfing, etc. H also had had some convos with his C about how he would handle it if OW came to see him at work. I think it helps him mentally to be prepared and helps me to know that he has a plan and won't just get sucked back in.
Two things that might help in your sitch: 1) have an honest convo with H about how he plans to handle things if OW shows up at his desk or invites him out to lunch or whatever. 2) Has H ever had a definitive "leave me alone" convo with the OW? I felt a lot better after my H sent the definitive "don't contact me again" email to the OW. Is there perhaps a way for your H to email OW and tell her he will be working there temporarily, that he is putting his marriage back together and desires no contact with her when he is there? (And how often can you join him for lunch at this job? Be visible!)
As for your "sabotaging" emotions - i think it's common at this point, after the focus shifts a little from all our goal-oriented DBing, we have to deal with some of the painful emotions we had to stuff down (and that our H's may still not be up to dealing with). Also - it's scary to be vulnerable in the R again. I find exercise helps, the "stop sign" technique helps, and spending lots of quality time together helps. I seem most vulnerable when we drift back into our busy routine and aren't really "connecting" as much during the day - I am still rather dependent on hearing those positive affirmations from my H. Fortunately my H's business schedule gave us several weekends away just when we needed them the most.
