When you say no to champagne....

[sage]

arrgh. Gonna post this here (in lieu of addressing with H) -- gotta stop my mind from reeling.

H. just left after bringing me lunch at school. (He did this same wonderful thing yesterday -- his idea. Today I kind of asked him to do it..) Anyway -- since lunch yesterday, things feel weird. The best way I can say it is that it almost seems like he's acting "as if" he wants to be with me (but maybe doesn't). He seems reserved, he seems standoffish a bit, last night he seemed so "unphysical" with me when we were sitting on the couch. Usually he's touching me or holding my hand while were watching TV -- last night -- nothing.

He doesn't seem mad or sad just distant. When I can't control it, my mind is reeling -- that the two R talks have reminded him of the reasons why he wanted to leave in the first place, that they stirred up his desire to be "alone", that this opportunity to go back to work however briefly has reignited his interest in ow or, at the very least, put them back into contact again. A thousand things -- none of them good.

This morning I had to remind myself over and over again that I got what I wanted in the R. talks and that it would be "just like me" to start spinning now. I don't want to create more problems here -- especially if they're self-created, but I'm just having a REALLY strong feeling that something's going on. Crap.

anyway, not planning on doing anything about it. I had my "as if" cap screwed on tightly last weekend (thanks to you guys!) and I'll be sure to have it on for as long as it takes for me to get out of this mood. We DO have plans to go to the movies tonight so perhaps that will break the spell.

--Sage