When you say no to champagne....

[sage]

My dear DB friends, I need your guidance! An interesting twist occurred today...

I was at a school class all day and my wonderful H. brought me lunch (his idea -- TOTALLY cool!). During lunch he told me that he had heard from his old company and they want him to come in for a week or two of consulting. This is the same company where ow works and there is no question that they would see each other often.

I think I handled it ok. I felt calm so it wasn't a stretch to act that way. H said something like he wasn't sure how I would feel about it and then said "I love you so much and I won't do anything to jeopardize that". I told him that I thought he should do what he thinks is best and that I wouldn't stand in the way of him doing that.

So, I didn't overreact or freak but given the setting (school) and the fact that we've had a jillion R talks lately (OK two), I didn't really delve into anything with him. Nor did I really acknowledge what he said about loving me, etc.

What to do now (if anything?)?I know that it is very important for him to make some $, have a brief opp to work, etc. so there's no question that he is going to go ahead and do this.

My real question is how much can I hope or expect him to discuss this with me before hand? AND, can I ask for the discussion? should I?

What would I be hoping to gain from it? Well, my perfect scenario is one in which H comes to me and tells me how he plans to handle:

letting ow know that he is coming back to work for a week

informing her that they will not be resuming their F during that time

handling alone time if it happens

handling group time if it happens (and that is very likely since they share the same friends and she won't excuse herself in any likelihood)

how he will handle reassuring me during that time

how is is clear at the end of the week that there will be no more contact

Simply put -- I can't control this sitch at all and I know that. I actually feel a bit silly about putting all of the above things down because it smacks of trying to control -- they are just things that I wish H. would see as important and talk with me about.

I didn't overreact and don't feel that I will. At the same time, I don't want to ignore this necessarily and it almost seems like an opportunity to problem solve on this together. BUT, I told him last night that I realized I had been living under a cloud of mistrust for our whole M. -- self-created-- and that I hoped he would stick around to see that we wouldn't be returning to that scenario...this seems like the perfect time to put that into practice. H has TOLD me he loves me and will do nothing to jeopardize that -- ASKING for an additional conversation re. that seems mistrustful.

I do want to validate his no jeopardizing statement at some point tho....

what do you guys think? This would be far easier if he would come to me...

Sage