WAW hasn't walked yet, but emotionally dead

[mako]

Yesterday I had my first counseling session. As noted above, W refused to join me, but that's ok, this is all part of me working on me. If she ever has an interest she can join me if she wants, but alone is fine for now. Anyway, it was good to talk and share my emotions, that's W's main problem so seeing the C will be good for letting me challenge myself to work on that.

W has gone out the past two days for the entire day, so I haven't been able to utilize much DBing. She's looking at apartments, job interviews, and just hanging out at places with free wireless internet. Seems like she just doesn't want to be around me much. I told her last week that she doesn't have to stay out all day on my account, she said she knows so I never brought it up again. I did happen to be leaving to go running just as she came home last night...I've gone running quite a bit lately, she hasn't said anything but this is something she must be noticing as I haven't really exercised much in about 5 years.

We did talk a bit last night. I expressed how good I felt from seeing the C, and talked of her job and apartment searches some. I mentioned how I am ready and kind of excited to move to New York (a move we planned to do together, but now will do separately I guess) and we discussed areas to live, furniture we'd need to get rid of. An interesting point came up that I think she hadn't thought of, NY is ridiculously expensive and my income is much higher than hers, so she's not really sure where she'll live now if she moves. Anyway, all in all not bad interaction, but not great either. But I'm just trying to be friendly, not bringing up R issues, just talking to her even if it's not super exciting. One step is we always say good morning and good night, something we never really did before, even as we are going to separate rooms.

Today I dropped her off at the train station as she left for a job interview (she didn't want a ride but she missed the bus). I texted her later just saying I hoped it went well, she said it did and thanks, I appreciate the text.

I guess I'll make dinner now and maybe go to the bookstore, I need a non-relationship based book to read and get my mind off things a little. As a plus, I'll time it so I'm out when I expect her to get home...