When you say no to champagne....

[erinr]

Good Morning Sage,

I want to start by saying thank you so much for checking in on me so often yesterday. The advice you gave me was invaluable. I did choose to let it go for now and I feel that was truly the right decision. Without your 2x4, last night could have been a miserable disaster. Thank you.

Now, on to your situation...

I was definitely feeling peeved that it appears that he's choosing bball instead but how can I blame him? I TOLD him that it was ok with me. Not good stuff.

I feel for ya. I do this all the time. It is something I've been working on changing. When H says he's going to do something and then says "Is that ok?" I always said that's fine even if it wasn't. Then he would get home to a very pissy, grumpy Erin. That's not fair. The last few opportunities I've had, I have said "No, that isn't ok with me." and then continue to explain why. I usually end with "That is how I feel, but the choice is yours to make." This way, if he comes home to a grumpy wife, he knows exactly why. The first time I did it, I was scared to death that he was going to be furious with me and then I thought "So what?" If I'm not happy with his decision, why should I pretend that I am. It's that thinking that made me begin to resent him in the first place. I can't change the decision he's going to make, but I can give him all the facts before he makes the decision. Sorry if that was rambling.

I need to keep committing actions.

You do, if you're doing it for yourself. If you swallow everything you feel and all your reactions, are you doing it because you want to change your behavior or because you want your H to think that your changing. Did it bother you that you cried in the restaurant? Is that a behavior that YOU want to change because it bothers YOU or because it bothers H?

talking about changing with H. did nothing to get me toward ANY goal and actually feels like it derailed the process a bit

Sounds like the same cheeseless tunnel you helped me from going down yesterday!

I need to get a life. I'm not sure what this means exactly -- gotta get some goals in place -- but I've been so focused on M. I've forgotten about me.

We've all been there, or in my case, are there. I have the same problem. The obstacles are just a little different. I know some things I'd love to do but I have no where to send my little darlings. If they were just in school it would be a lot easier! Look at your Community College. There are all kinds of fun, artsy type things I'd love to do. You need to find something non-academic related that would give you pleasure. Maybe a book club at the library?

Last question - What is orienteering?

Hope you have a good day!
Erin