Horrible, HOPEFUL Vulnerability

[cat03]

my H said to me the time I found out he was seing the same woman from the first A "we dont' have chemistry' BS!! WE DID, the hot and bubbling fire... back when we were dating and we were carefree and couldn't keep our hands off each other. It evolved into a sweet love making as the years went by.
That chemistry is present on As because they are all fantasy, they are a mirage and when reality sets in and real life shows up with responsabilities and boundaries, it is gone and the person is left with the reality of having broken a marriage that could've been saved.

I too used to compare myself like crazy, (even today, ha ha, I actually deleted some picts of naked ow I had just in case I had to blackmail her LOL, but I will never fall that deep) and I'm too a mother and dont' have the body of a 20 something, but guess what, it is MY body, I'm proud of it!! it created two beautiful gorgeous children and my H will have to accept me for who I am, EVERY inch of me.
I work out, I'm in good shape, and I"m damn proud of myself.

I posted this today somewhere, but here it is again, from my treasure grove of old posts:

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The very nature of being the "third party" (OW or OM) instead of the "spouse" means it's a fantasy relationship. When people are in affairs, they present a side of themselves that's not representative of the whole person. It's a special version of their best aspects, free from the normal responsibilities involved in sharing a total life situation; whereas the roles and structure of family life create many restrictions and responsibilities. A person's affair is not so much a rejection of the mate as a rejection of these role restrictions. This awareness can be especially helpful in dealing with our feelings of comparison with the third party."

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Love yourself enough to know that you are beautiful, worthwhile, precious, caring,loving, important, sexy, loved, valued and amazing ..
.... carry with you a love for yourself that helps you shine even when the world seems out to get you, be the beautiful Woman that is there underneath all the fear, underneath all the bull sh*t that has been done to you, and ABOVE someone who would ever allow herself to get involved with YOUR husband to begin with. You are better than that do not let her rob you of your happiness. Long and short of it love yourself and show him love like he never hurt you.
...be the fun, smiling person you used to be before he took your heart out and hung it to dry. I always felt as though my h tied me to the back of his truck and forgot to look back and then when he finally untied me,, I had a lot of healing to do...
......... you can do this kepp coming here for support. Love x, love and love some more, allow him to grow and become the man he needs to be for you and most of all for himself.

I can go to bed at nite knowing I did everything in my Power to be the beautiful person I am and to rise above their Sh*t and still live in THE ....light. I remained faithful and worked towards my miracle. I know you can do this too.
..... for you have integrity too.

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As I have said before, maybe in a different way, it's not usually the affair that ends the marriage, it's the LBS's ability to control the anger long enough to move forward that does. The blame for the rift belongs squarely on the WAS but the blame for it's enlargment often falls on us, the cheated on. Getting past that was the hardest thing I ever had to do but so entirely necessary for my own personal growth.