our un-relationship

[Dom R]

Again, you've hit what I really meant to say.

I'm not trying to get him to give up his pseudo-single lifestyle. Really, I'm not ready to move that far ahead, myself.

Errr.. whaddya mean, not ready? you're already there, seems to me.

YOU are not really single. you are only looking to date, in retaliation to him.
but i dont think you really want to date anyone else. i think hyou just want to be with him.

I don't even care if he still hangs out with his friends...I'm not even asking him to stop being around JD...

be realistic. it will poison progression in your relationship with him. unless you become "her friend" too, and she supports your un-marriage.
Which ISNT LIKELY, SINCE SHE THINKS HE IS HER BOYFRIEND?!!!

reality check for both of you.

I wonder how much of his sudden anger (about the snooping, about my cold behavior) was really fear because I was clearly pulling back?

Go read on the infidelity board perhaps.

his reaction is standard for anyone confronted with the reality, "you're cheating on me!".

his reactions about you being distant, are separate from his reactions about you snooping and finding out the truth of what he's been up to