Hey Sage. I'm very pleased you finally made it over here. It's where you belong.
Quote: I know I've made some mistakes in my M. (being controlling, manipulative, not listening to H, not appreciating him) and I'm grateful to have had the chance to see my foibles and work on them -- but sometimes I feel like I'm trying TOO hard -- do you know what I mean? In my heart I feel like a good, interesting and loving person but then in my head I think to myself "contributed to M. breakdown...must DB to perfection at all times".
Ahh...yes... I used to feel this way, but no longer. For me, it was just a general feeling, and not one that came from realizing my own mistakes in the breakdown of my M. In any case, I too was trying VERY hard to DB with perfection, and it worked at the time. But as we begin to piece, I think the intensity of DBing isn't so necessary. It doesn't mean that we don't do it any longer, it's just that we don't have to wear ourselves out with our efforts because our Ses are home (figuratively speaking).
So, IMHO, try to relax a little, Sage. Put things in cruise control for a couple of days and see how it goes. We all have good days and bad days, and we should be able to share these things with our Ses. At first I was afraid to let go a little...be the "real" Jethro, but it ended up being okay because the changes I needed to make for me and my W are still here. It's just NOW I can share my feelings with her more freely.
I kind of perceive it as we're a certain way before DBing, much of which isn't positive. We being to DB and it becomes contagious. It's contagious because we feel better about ourselves and we recognize the positive things it does in our lives. So, we keep it up, and we keep it up, sometimes having little dips here and there, but we're rockin. Then our Ses decide to "come home." Things get more difficult because the sh!t hits the fan. Over time we become more comfortable with each other, then we can back off a little, recognizing that we all have good days and bad days.
Good and bad days need to be shared with our Ses when it becomes safe to to so. This gained level of comfort is gradual, but occurs nonetheless. Right now you're piecing and are on that road, so I would worry a bit less about your "perfection," as you're putting stress on yourself. Besides, DBing really comes down to what works...whatever than may be. And it's different for everybody. And I think you know what works, Sage.
Did I understand what you meant, 'cuz I felt like I rambled a bit?
