Hi Sage and an "official" welcome to piecing although I have seen you have visited other threads here for a while, so you're no stranger, but glad to see that your story fits in here.
Quoting sage: What should I be doing instead? I think the biggest 180 would be to not withdraw -- to maintain a positive attitude, to not dwell in thought patterns. To be supportive of H's normal changing moods by accepting him just as he is.
Acting "as-if" can play a big part here as well. Act "as-if" he might be a little nervous in the beginning of the occasion. That he might be worried about making sure you have a good time. This should help keep you maintain an upbeat and light-hearted PMA and ease his mood and make him feel more comfortable. Maybe even come up with a "ice-breaker" ahead of time to fall back on to help if things seem tense.
I agree - act as if!! And stop trying to "read" his moods. I did that way too much, and you know what? Sometimes you are COMPLETELY wrong and you blow a perfectly good evening (he really wasn't in a bad mood but had an itchy rash on his butt that was distracting him); sometimes you are RIGHT but you could have turned his mood around if YOU had acted as if and been upbeat and positive.
Yup, keep the rants coming (don't force them of course!...but if they're building up inside, let us have 'em!)...it really is an awesome feeling to have your own emotions mirrored in that fashion.
A 98 on your midterm!!! Way to go! What are you studying?
Hope your weekend is a great one, and just relax, he's chosen YOU!!!
Just checking in to say hi! Congrats on the great mid-term score I'm starting back for my masters in the fall and the idea of taking tests again is freaking me out!
Hope you guys have a great weekend,
erin
"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."
-George Bernard Shaw
Quoting KAW: Acting "as-if" can play a big part here as well. Act "as-if" he might be a little nervous in the beginning of the occasion. That he might be worried about making sure you have a good time. This should help keep you maintain an upbeat and light-hearted PMA and ease his mood and make him feel more comfortable. Maybe even come up with a "ice-breaker" ahead of time to fall back on to help if things seem tense.
KAW -- Thanks for the welcome! Also, thank you for reminding me that it's possible that H's "presentation" may be rooted in far different things than the evil-ow stuff I ASSume. One of the things that I've been trying to work on (with low success apparently ) is not always ASSuming the worst -- heck, I shouldn't be ASSuming anything AT ALL! And, acting "as if" in regards to something positive (heck, maybe I'll imagine that H is distant because he's so dazzlingly in love with me that he has to keep a distance!) needs to be employed!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Hey everybody -- Thanks for the support and visits! I agree that reading other people's posts and being able to say "wow, I feel that way too" is very powerful!
I'm getting my MBA part-time. I'm an electrical engineer now but want to get into some sort of business administration of non-profits. Got a LONG way to go, though!
I'm looking forward to the weekend with H. tho' I'll admit that I was just sitting in a meeting at work feeling a little nervous. Sometimes I just feel as though I can't allow myself to relax -- to be myself anymore. I know I've made some mistakes in my M. (being controlling, manipulative, not listening to H, not appreciating him) and I'm grateful to have had the chance to see my foibles and work on them -- but sometimes I feel like I'm trying TOO hard -- do you know what I mean? In my heart I feel like a good, interesting and loving person but then in my head I think to myself "contributed to M. breakdown...must DB to perfection at all times".
As others have pointed out here, I really think that the "as if" stance could have a big impact for me -- I want to turn my sorry-aSSumptions of bad stuff to GOOD stuff. H. is mesmerized by his sexy, dynamic, super-duper wife!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Hey sage, There is a new thread on Newcomers "What to do Next" by Keystone. He could use some perspective and I thought if you had some time, you could check in.
Erin
"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."
-George Bernard Shaw
) is not always ASSuming the worst -- heck, I shouldn't be ASSuming anything AT ALL! And, acting "as if" in regards to something positive (heck, maybe I'll imagine that H is distant because he's so dazzlingly in love with me that he has to keep a distance!) needs to be employed!
