good to know somebody has the same evil nature. Spouse already plans for SIL to take D to party. Maybe I'll tell her I'll do it. Therapeutic. and I can swing my shovel...
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
Oh, so she isn't trying to be the one to actually take her to the party, but I totally agree. If she is soooo deadset on your D going, then you take her.
I am waiting for December, D5's birthday. She has her list in her room and OW's D is the first one on the list to invited.
ok, been thinking about updating but just haven't made the time:
Things are ok. Sunday was the infamous birthday party. I had finally decided to just throw up my hands and leave it in spouses lap to decide. to make all other parties uncomfortable I offered to both take and pick up DD but spouse had her sister take DD and spouse picked her up when she got off of work. That eve spouse and I were alone and I asked her how SHE felt being at the party - ie - OWs house...she said it was awkward. (really, who'd'a thunk?) She asked me what I thought and I said "it was a path I didn't really want to head down". Spouse said she didn't feel it was a path leading anywhere but just a single event. Overall she knows how I feel and somehow this may bite her in the butt eventually in SOME odd way. That's the only way she'll learn. I told her if DD initiated playtime with OWs children I was against it and would let spouse deal with DD.
Overall things are OK. Spouse continues to see her counselor. Spouse told me sometimes all she can "be is sad" when she thinks of OW and she misses her. (Yep, sad, got it. Imagine how sad you'd be if you tore your family apart...)My gut feeling is:
Either this will work or it won't. We have yet to see how it will shake down. I am about ready to initiate a joint trip to couples therapy. But I thought I'd post something in piecing and get some advice from those in the know. Spouse has not been physical and is still sleeping in her own bedroom.
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
Hi stubborn... I was just getting ready to email you to see what's happening so glad to see your update. Glad to see you're moving over to piecing. That forum has a lot of good advice and piecing is not an easy thing to do or place to be so use that support!
hey! Jules!!! I think of you often. I just posted this in "piecing" (I really like the real estate here but...locationlocationlocation...maybe I SHOULD move, or maintain two "homes")
sorry about your Rockies! I thought they could do it! Next year?
well I'm sure everybody has felt the way I do right now: "Do I belong here, are we piecing, how long does this take, what will the outcome be, where will "we" end up, where will "I" end up...and for that matter where the hell am I now?
Short version: spouse began affair 18months ago. In the beginning she was leaving and everything would be fine...ILYBNILWY...all the standard things. When it got right down to it she couldn't bring herself to leave DD (now 8) so she moved into another bedroom and played house. I was always clear that I wanted to save things and work at a real relationship. I wasn't going anywhere.
Affair continued on/off/on/off too many times to count. Finally in Oct spouse took a week out of the house to "clear" her head. She decided she wanted our marriage and family. We sat down and talked about it and she says she is now ready to work on her "stuff" (there IS some, bad childhood) and she is CHOOSING me and our family even though she loves OW. (I don't find that offensive as I believe we love that toward which we act loving and she is capable of recovering her feelings for me)
WHEW! Now what? Spouse thinks she and OW can still be "friends" (ha, delusional IMHO) She has told OW her choices and that the affair is over. Spouse has occasional contact with OW and our children go to school together so I too get to see her on occasion! (rah! nothin' more fun than that!)
Overall things at home are quiet and ok. I know spouse is in "mourning" and we have discussed it briefly. I am wondering if it's time to go to couples counseling...opinion? How did you bring the topic up? Somebody talk to me about what I might expect. Up to now almost everything has been textbook!!!
anything you can contribute would be welcomed!!! I was especially glad to see some of the folks I've read over the last year have arrived here in piecing before me...kind of like going to heaven. But I don't think I'm dead yet... _________________________ I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
I just read your thread over there and am glad you moved. I think there will be some good support for you. It's pretty key that you realize S is mourning and also that she can recover her feelings for you. Just keep taking good care of you b/c IMO, your journey thru this process has now just finally begun. So put on your workboots and get ready to start digging in!
As far as the rockies go... still a great experience for all of us. So good to have a successful team to cheer on!!
ah yes, just what I wanted to hear: "it's all uphill from here"... just kidding. I think you're right but ick! When do things get easier? (never, perhaps?)
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
