well I'm sure everybody has felt the way I do right now: "Do I belong here, are we piecing, how long does this take, what will the outcome be, where will "we" end up, where will "I" end up...and for that matter where the hell am I now?

Short version: spouse began affair 18months ago. In the beginning she was leaving and everything would be fine...ILYBNILWY...all the standard things. When it got right down to it she couldn't bring herself to leave DD (now 8) so she moved into another bedroom and played house. I was always clear that I wanted to save things and work at a real relationship. I wasn't going anywhere.

Affair continued on/off/on/off too many times to count. Finally in Oct spouse took a week out of the house to "clear" her head. She decided she wanted our marriage and family. We sat down and talked about it and she says she is now ready to work on her "stuff" (there IS some, bad childhood) and she is CHOOSING me and our family even though she loves OW. (I don't find that offensive as I believe we love that toward which we act loving and she is capable of recovering her feelings for me)

WHEW! Now what? Spouse thinks she and OW can still be "friends" (ha, delusional IMHO) She has told OW her choices and that the affair is over. Spouse has occasional contact with OW and our children go to school together so I too get to see her on occasion! (rah! nothin' more fun than that!)

Overall things at home are quiet and ok. I know spouse is in "mourning" and we have discussed it briefly. I am wondering if it's time to go to couples counseling...opinion? How did you bring the topic up? Somebody talk to me about what I might expect. Up to now almost everything has been textbook!!!

anything you can contribute would be welcomed!!! I was especially glad to see some of the folks I've read over the last year have arrived here in piecing before me...kind of like going to heaven. But I don't think I'm dead yet...

I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it.
Stubby