Hon, you were still in square one from the beginning, his "trying to spend time with you" and "nothing's changed" statememts are BS. It takes TWO for things to go right, if he went with the "im going to test her" mentality of course you were going to fail on HIS eyes! He seems like he is a very very confused individual who wants things his way and his way only, you DON'T need to accept that, and I agree, it was way too soon.
My H and I went out for our anniversary 2 months after he left, on my part I saw it as a chance to try to repair our M, but on his end...oh boy, he told me (much later on) that he wanted to see if he "felt something". He was leaving it to chance, to see if, perhaps by magic or fate, he'd get some sort of a sign that he still loved or wanted me. Of course he got none of that, I looked very nice that day, tried to engage him in conversation... all the while he was quiet, and during the play we went to see he actually leaned over away from me, giving me his back, for the entire time. That is NOT the way one tries to heal an M.
He'd make Hitler proud. He can't impose over you his conditions. Of course you have reasons not to trust him, he keeps leaving! You don't owe him anything, trust is EARNED. From what I've seen you have been loyal, you havent' had other men nor abandoned your home. The bible admonishes the wife to be submisive to her husband...BUT admonishes the man to love his wife and give his life for her, if a man loved me that much how could I not give him my total trust and loyalty? Your H is demanding that of you, he can't do that.
His comment about multiculturalism makes me things he's a bigot, so you got your work cut out for you. I highly recommend a third party, make an appt with a councelor or therapist (since he's actually willing to go to a psyquiatrist with you) NOW. Tell your H that you want to work things out but that it'd be better for both of you if you could discuss his terms it with a C present to keep the convo at a healthy level. I always thought of myself as a rational person, but when R convos begin I came out as acerbic and defensive, jumped to conclusions and wouldnt' let my H speak. So that's why I really REALLY think you both will benefit from a professional, and perhaps this person will also let your H know that the way he is trying to shove his terms down your throat isn't right.
As for what you overheard of his convo with his friend and how you reacted, my 2cents: I would also be hurt if I heard that, but I wouln't let HIM decide how * I * will behave. You stayed with the baby to show him you didn't care if he was home. But you did care that he was there right? you did what you did because you were hurt... and the way you reacted made things worse (by ignoring him) not better.
You have to ask yourself this EVERY time you are about to say or do something when you are hurt "is this going to make things worse or will it help?"
You are here because you want this to work, so NO more games, NO more sarcasm, clean yourself from these bad habits (I was a queen of sarcasm, it's a nasty habit).
He's bound to say all sorts of hurtful things, dont' let his behavior determine your frame of mind, you must be above all pettiness, take the higher road.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
