Perhaps an open (hopefully temporary) seperation is not a bad idea. The two of you have been immersed in this song and dance for 6 years. Perhaps a little clearly defined distance would help you both detach from the situation and gain a different perspective.
As you mentioned your kids already know what is going on. Kids always do.
W does appear reluctant to leave completely. Perhaps a constructive discussion on why she wants to stay while being seperated might help. It will have to be a discussion where you duct tape and just listen.
I think M's when both spouses work are especially challenging. There are no models to follow - no examples of what works. And when you are overwhelmed and unable to balance life - it is easy to give into those feelings that you have failed.
My father pointed out when I was M, that I was trying to be both create a home for H like my stay at home mother and was the primary wage earner like my father - and that was simply not possible. My girlfriends and I often talk about possible solutions... I am not sure I know the answer. But then again you already know that I swung to the other extremee and haven't even attempted a real R since my D b/c deep inside I don't believe I can work, be a mother and a P. I just cannot spread myself that thin and feel good about myself...
Anyway - those are my ramblings about my life. I don't know if they apply to your W.
