Separated, 2 months, need help applying DB

[mkultra]

Have you read some of the articles on the Mid Life Crisis page. It is astounding to see how these patterns are phases that the walk away spouse must go through. iT has actually helped me to read everything I can find on infidelity and separation and MLC. I feel like I am in Master's program! One thing that you mentioned is your H's past behavior. My H was also a Goody Two Shoes type who was sexually inexperienced. One of his many draws. I felt very safe with a man like this, with a man who seemed loyal forever, as though cheating was never to be in his DNA. Then I realized he is just as likely to cheat as any other man, why not. Sexually inexpeience made him more insecure and more willing to prove his manhood with a weaker, younger woman. That is cliche but true. His kindness and fidelity meant that once he betrayed me, he could no longer go back to his regualar life so my H drowned himself in his affair, transitional friend and work. He eschewed all that he knew from before. I have heard of good men, ministers, upstanding citizens doing this, falling from grace. Everyone expects the lech the rock star, the bully, the drunk, the jock to do thses things, but not my H. Complete disillusionment.

It sounds like you are actualy doing well in DB. You have not doen anything to help prolong his affair, you have gone out with friends and you are getting a life, he can see that. You continue to be beautiful and your home path remains safe but with boundaries. he is messed up and young. Know you will be fine either way. Either you get a better man to come back home after much openess and therapy or you get a new man knowing what you know about nurturing a new R. I know that is also against DB principles but we cannot control others. Keep up the good work and know you are not alone!