You and H have made a lot of progress. Isolating his fear of commitment as the problem is really big. How long do we focus on the little stuff without ever knowing what the real problem is? I am happy that the Retrouvaille work has helped you so much. I actually think that many of us are at this point in our marriages for exactly the same reason you are. It was easy to get married when we were young without any real sense of what commitment means. And we stayed together out of habit or because it was OK, but at some point there is a conflict and that old flaw raises it's head and trips us up. I think you and H are working through this slowly and carefully, and you will get where you want to go. I think it would be lovely if, when this is all resolved, you have a small commitment ceremony with just a few people present.
