Learning to Trust

[LuvMyHusband]

I don't know if this is journaling or just venting but oh well. I feel pretty crappy today. I know, I have no trust for H. My feelings are hurt too so maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I was talking online with H yesterday and he's making dinner for him and his parents. A really good dinner nothing like what he got to make for us while he was here. I guess I should be thankful that he was planning on it. I started (I know I need to not think about OW) thinking of everything he has bought and share with the OW and got really depressed. I feel like he has put effort into everyone but me and his kids. He's at his parents house (I should be thankful for that) making them wonderful dinners, working on their house, was buying the OW gifts and sending her cards and we got zilch!!

He didn't call me to play last night. I woke up around 1 a.m. and went online. He was on. I felt hurt again that he obviously didn't want to play with me. He logged off but must have come back on later because he forwarded me an email at 2:40 a.m. He had also told me that he would cancel his game character that he used to play with the OW, he didn't.

I haven't said anything to him but I just feel one big pile of nerves and hurt. I feel like he's not really trying to put a whole lot of effort into us. He obviously doesn't feel like he was doing was that big of a deal because he's not even trying to make up for it. I don't know. Just down.