Yes I have read quite a bit of your thread, and what strikes me is how incredibly reactive you are to your H. You don't seem to have much of a firm centre for yourself, and that's what I think you need. You've said you get anxious and ramble and change your mind when you talk to him. That can be incredibly annoying. If you learn how to be a bit more calmly assertive (but you do have to know what you want in a positive sense, not just what you don't want) things will be far more likely to go the way you want, and if he does get angry it will be clearer that it is his issues that are the problem, not your behaviour.
I strongly advise you to sit down and make a list of the things you want to achieve. When I did this it was the start of my U-turn, and I'm feeling a lot better and more in control because of it. If you post it, people will tell you how focussed and achievable your goals are, which is a big part of solution focussed work, and I think very helpful.
