I feel like if I forced H out, he would get even more of what he wants, his 'single' life, the kids when he wants, and the freedom..out from under my 'snooping' eye.
May I ask you, because you are an amazingly attached father...how did you do the first few nights with the girls away from you? I am not looking forward to it.
Honestly.. it was hard. The house being empty and quiet. Calling them at a specified time.. hearing them say "Are you coming over daddy?"
That's the crappy part.
I won't lie.. for me.. it's been a TON easier with her out of the house. I don't see her coming and going as she pleases doing god knows what till god knows when. Not having to deal with the lies (at least as frequently).
Now.. another thing.. for me, this wasn't a huge transition. She's been going to school.. I work from home quite a bit, so I'm used to this kind of arrangement. For her, it was a TOTAL shock to have them by herself for 5 days in a row. Course now she mixes them with his kids (looking for some help are we?) so that kind went out.
I actually enjoy my time away from the girls. Don't get me wrong.. I love them and enjoy every minute I spend with them. My W took quite a bit from me and I've dedicated what I feel has been more than my fair share towards the girls. So for me.. it's kind of nice to be able to go out and do things for me an not feel guilty.
I won't lie.. for me.. it's been a TON easier with her out of the house. I don't see her coming and going as she pleases doing god knows what till god knows when. Not having to deal with the lies (at least as frequently).
This is the exact reason I want H to leave. But...I know he would have the girls a lot and I am not ready for that part yet. I think its great you can enjoy your time while they are with Mom, that's important. You have a point, other than them being with OM/kids (Gross, and totally rude), you know they are healthy, happy and with mom. I can totally see how that removes guilt. Good way of thinking.
It starts out rough, but it gets easier. The other thing is.. I've got to get used to the scenario in case.. this is it.
Man.. I don't want to make it sound like them being out of the house is the best thing.. in some ways I wish she was still here. Maybe she would see my changes more? Maybe it would make her feel more guilty?
For me.. there was just no way I could handle it any more.
Another thing I've enjoyed is being able to do things I couldn't do while we were married. Get your mind out of the gutter I mean golf.. hang out with my parents (long story) and go out with my friends guilt free.
Those are the things that: 1. Make this situation easier 2. Make me realize that my W is absolutely crazy!!
Another thing I've enjoyed is being able to do things I couldn't do while we were married. Get your mind out of the gutter I mean golf.. hang out with my parents (long story) and go out with my friends guilt free.
Those are the things that: 1. Make this situation easier 2. Make me realize that my W is absolutely crazy!!
Jar, Glad to see that some things to get better. I'm looking forward to being able to do things when I want. I don't think it would have been an issue in the past, but there was always the guilt thing.
See I don't understand the guilt thing. Why do you feel guilty? You can't blame the spouse if that is something that you feel. I tried to explain that to my husband. I don't mind whenever he wants to do anything. The only thing I ask is he tell me when he's doing something. A quick phone call or tell me even in passing. But for some reason he still feels guilty if he wants to do something like I'll get mad. Or hides it because I'll get mad and at the last minute just runs out the door. If he never said he has plans then someimes I start making them for our family. UGH!lol Can you tell this is an issue for my marriage.
I think he meant he felt guilt free when W has the kids, so he doesn't feel bad when he isn't with them, doing things for himself. But I might be wrong here.
trying, H used to tell me his plans, but not anymore, keeps me guessing. Well, not really, I just don't plan anything with him at all, its easier. If there is something we both need to attend (school conference, etc), I post-it his behind and move on with my day.
Yeah... for me, W would ALWAYS start the inquisition. "Where you going.. who you going with.. what time will you be home"
Then of course she would call me. She's always been very insecure. I've never given her a reason to not trust me, but she's had issues in past R's. Hmm.. now she's doing it.
Anyway.. I would always ask (which I've learned not to do anymore.. thanks Cunningham) and the first reaction would be "I want to spend time with you"
Well.. I've learned what that means now, but even still.. we would spend every day/night together for 2 weeks and all of the sudden when I want to go out it's "We never spend time together"
Now.. I understand I should've been taking her out.. trust me, will never make that mistake again.. but still that's where my guilt came from. She would guilt me everytime.
Update... dropped D's off this morning and we had a pleasant enough exchange. I had to give her my latest pay stub so her and her L can job me tomorrow. They had asked for the tax returns (which he had first) and I told her I didn't have them. He should've made copies (hello office 101). Anyway.. I will be firing my L after our hearing tomorrow. W's L had a number for child support which we agreed upon.. then they came back and said the numbers were wrong it's now $100 more. These guys are quacks. Anyway.. my L has dragged her feet.. I don't talk to her just her paralegal and she's horrible at returning my calls.
After court tomorrow, I'll be using the Don's phrase "You're Fired"
Supposedly my counselor has a real witch of an L that I will probably consult. My W's L has been very proactive. I'm sure part of that is because of the fee's, but mine takes 2-3 days to call me back!!
I mean golf.. hang out with my parents (long story) and go out with my friends guilt free.