CVA - Not sure I have figured anything out?

[Puddle]

Hey CVA,

Dallas is unacceptable, hell, the other side of Houston is unacceptable, or even more than a few miles away! I love my kids so much and want so much for them including a full time dad (me) that I will do everything in my power to make that happen.

I hear what you're saying. I know it's going to be tough, though: She's the primary care-taker, right? Sounds to me like you pony up bigtime so she can live care-free nearby or accede to her desire to move. I'm sure your L will lay it out for you.

I am confident I can talk to her about this and get it settled.

Really? That surprises me. I hope you're right.

Take care tonight, CVA.

[Not Much Left]

Hey Puddle
I believe she will do what is right with the kids and without the pressure or her perception that there is pressure on my part to be with her she will discuss this openly.

THere has been no need to discuss this stuff till someone made a decision.

The thought she might be angling to move is my fear based on that one sentence in the petition. It may mean nothing other than she dictates they live with her for the most part and she decides. On the other hand this is one area that needs protecting on my part. A court would see that I believe although they have been known to screw dads before.

C

[Not Much Left]

Hey SD, what did you mean? No Fault D option? They do have that and that is what my W has petitioned for. No Fault divorce which is actually not what I expected. I expected her to accuse me of all sorts of stuff so...

[SuperDad]

No, I meant Fault, that is...her's. She refuses to go to MC and I ASSumed that there is/was an OM. If not, maybe not an option.

In any case, sounds like you are in a totally diferent place than this, so it's not an issue.

SD

[Not Much Left]

Oh, ok thanks

Let me give everyone an example that my W has totally moved on from me. The kids called tonight to say goodnight.
W gets on the phone and says "D11 needs your help on a school problem....acts like I will be there always, which I will. Pt is, she acts "as if" there is nothing wrong at all.

Does that make sense to anyone? Its like I am this unic (sp?) or brother or uncle or whatever. Very disturbing sense to get from a woman you were intimate with.

C

[SteveInTN]

CVA, ever do any duck hunting? Could offer you a weekend away if so.

Steve

[Gone Dancin']

Let me give everyone an example that my W has totally moved on from me. The kids called tonight to say goodnight.
W gets on the phone and says "D11 needs your help on a school problem....acts like I will be there always, which I will. Pt is, she acts "as if" there is nothing wrong at all.

Does that make sense to anyone?

Absolutely (all though it is a crazy behavior!). Your W is like an ostrich with her head in the ground -- if she can't see or hear any trouble, then there isn't any. Of course she is going to act as if everything is okay, because she is feeling guilty for what she's doing to you and the family. However, she doesn't want to discuss it with you because she is embarrassed and also because she doesn't want to have to deal with it. She just wants it to be said and done and for it to go away with the least amount of stress, pain, anguish, etc.

It doesn't sound like your W is mature enough to handle discussing it with you. Are you willing to take the initiative to tell her it is important for YOU to be able to sit down and discuss the D with her rather than speak through attys?

GD

[Handful of Rain]

CVA, As you know, I am still married, for the time being, anyway, to probably the queen of denial, so I know exactly how you feel.

I know that it is hard, but you need to push it away, let her act like that, in time, and I speak from experience on this, the blinders will start to fade, because, deep down she has to be feeling the guilt about all of this, any sane human being would be, it is a matter of I can't let my husband see just how screwed up I am, cause then he wins.

It seems like to me that a WAS's only concern is being the one on top, and controlling the sitch. Don't let her! Even though she filed, you still have the power, and you decide how you are going to react, whether it be in a legal sense or not. Let her know that you will fight for your happiness, and rights to be a father to your kids. I have faith that you will let her know that, one way or the other, that she is in for a fight and once that reality hits her like a cold slap in the face, she will have to deal with everything, she still she might not want to show it. but know that it is/will take place. Take care.

[waw1978]

Oh and WAW, she actually put in the petition that I would pay for all currently contracted maintanence around the house including landscaping. Nice.

I feel for you. But her true colors are showing. Spots to stripes as I like to say.

Its ironic that a lot of the behaviors that she said where your problem, controlling etc is exactly what she is doing now.

Sounds like you will have no choice but to get an atty and fight for equal access to your kids. You are a hands on Dad. You being in the house every night to put them to bed and spending quality family time these past months will only support your case. There is a big "Dad's Rights" movement going on in this country. See if there are any support groups in your area. They could be helpful in suggesting ways to make this smoother.

Too bad your W can't see what this will cost the kids if she tries to keep them from you.

Hugs.

[Not Much Left]

I think I am painting her as sounding very short or rude w/ me which she is not. Not that it particularly matters now.

She is super polite and yes I think head in the sand. But, given I think she has the kid's well being in mind, I would say I think I am going to just invite her to sit and talk about the papers, point by point before we go blowing a bunch of money on legal bills and see how she responds.

She may say she wants it all to go thru her lawyer which would suck. THis can be done amicably and since she file a "no fault divorce" the only things really to work out are finances and visitation or custody. I say ONLY lightly there.

Called her this am to tell her I wanted to pick up the kids later from school, "oh, ok" super polite and happy. I was positive in tone. This is SO weird. Like, oh well, its over, moving on....see ya later bud!

C