Just trying to ease my way back into posting a bit more...been keeping up with you though. You seem to be in a good, steady place right now. I really liked your recent post (to Sunny, maybe?) about your kids and not throwing in the towel because you know they're still looking to you to keep trying... I can so relate to that...
Working up to updating my own thread...easy to get out of the practice, and I'm feeling a bit stagnant. So, let's get started!!
Dave, Bizarro world must be all over the world. Feels kinda good for achange. Anyhow, just trying to get caught back up. You are still doing a great job, but I guess in the end it comes down to "what do we want" after months of how can we get this train wreck back on course.
My sitch is very stable at present and I am being careful to stay as stable in my actions as possible. I have backed off a little more with W to be honest and have not been trying some of the stuff I was a couple of weeks ago. I realy have not had the inclination to. W has been mostly friendly and helpful and it does seem that we are perhaps both comfortable to rest where things are at for the time being with no preasure of either of us.
A bit dull huh? I am aware this could just be the eye of the storm though
Dave, I am there with you. Seems that after detaching long enough, the LBS becomes the WAS! I can only imagine that with the separation that this becomes even more apparent.
Anywhoo, just checking in on you. SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Dave, thanks for stopping back in. I certainly agree, the calm and comfortable with your sitch is a good feeling. Whether good or not, I don't know, but I am right there with ya. Of course if I look back to the single days, calm and carefree was pretty much daily. True detachment or looking for finality? The million dollar question.
I have not posted much lately as there is little going on. W it apears is on an emotional rollercoaster from hell. A summary of last few days ;
Wednesday : Happy and cheerful , offered to come over and cook for kids Thursday night as I was going out ( I had organised but let her come over as she seemed to want to ).
Thursday Night , I get home and W's in the worst mood I have seen her for a long time. I sat and gave her the opportunity to tell me what was on her mind but she didnt open up , I just went about things as usual. Later I sent a quick txt thanking her for coming over and telling her it was appreciated. The reply I got was very abrasive had me thinking F...you I was just being nice. I did not reply
Late Friday I had to communicate with her re D so sent a quick txt. Surprisingly I got an appology for her behaviour the night before ,I txt back "its OK I understand" then she phoned all happy and chatty.
Saturday Night she comes to pick up D and is Gloomy again ( not as bad as thursday though).
So I would guess she is dealing with all sorts of emotions and I feel like a spectator which is probably a good place to be.
I have thought a lot about what SD is saying re the LBS being the eventual WAS. My take on that is I am going to keep the door open and if W can show that she is making the sort of changes that need to be made ( much like a lot of us here have done ) then I will be open to the prospect of a reconciliation. In saying that I cant see much evidence of that yet and I am not sure if she is capable of doing it.
Dave-- I think it is such a good thing that you can at least be around her and still have those same feelings of "whatever." I can't stay at "whatever" even when I don't see or talk to him. Just having a bit of a down day, I guess, partly because I am cleaning the house and thinking of all the crap I now have to do alone, on top of all the other stuff I always had on my plate. Thanksgiving is getting to me a bit, too, I think.
If you can channel some of that "whatever" my way, I would surely appreciate it. I know that my downs are MUCH more short-lived and shallow, so the bright time should be right around the corner. Maybe a 1/2 nap...
Good for you on not getting roped into the rollercoaster ride. When you can be thinking one thing in response to her abrasiveness ("F...you, I was just being nice"), and let it go by not replying in kind, it seems that once they have a little space to consider, they have regrets.
Going from abrasive, to happy & chatty, & over to gloomy in a matter of days appears to be a recurring theme for the WAS. By you staying on happy & cheerful, you kinda know she'll be back there soon, so why bother to get caught up in the other moods. Saves a lot of energy that you make better use of in keeping the house in order.
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I like to keep the house tidy as a number one priority because it feels better that way . This has been one of my bigger efforts as I was a very untidy person so its something I can feel good about every day as an achievement.
Read this from you on Donna's thread. This is one of my achievements also, although it's reversed, as I've been compulsive about having a tidy house.
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if W can show that she is making the sort of changes that need to be made ( much like a lot of us here have done ) then I will be open to the prospect of a reconciliation. In saying that I cant see much evidence of that yet
It's good to keep in mind that the WAS, for the most part, aren't actively looking towards making changes in themselves or any sort of deep introspection, so the likelihood of seeing evidence of it is not great. Maybe it's when they hit bottom & stay there for a while that some awareness kicks in.
Yes, I think you're right, it's more time & patience.
Better to be a spectator, although that's not all that easy either.
Just popping in to say hi and check up on you...while not the world champion yoyo spouse (that belong's to Sunnys H), your wife does seem really all over the place. I wonder if you've noticed if it follows any kind of cyclical pattern? You know, some women of her/my age start having pretty significant hormonal issues that might well track pretty regularly...just a thought that it might be a contributing factor. However, NOT a good thing to suggest to her (ha,ha,ha...) if that is the case!!
Sunny you are right its still not easy , Just when I think I am under control of myself I fall apart again , luckily not around W .
L , I know what you mean and this lastest occurence was not expected and completely the wrong week. I suspect it has something to do with OM but only guessing realy because I dont know what shape or form thier R is in if it is. I know they still work together that is all.
Right now I am resigned to just staying in limbo through Xmas and the summer holidays if for nothing else but for the kids.
I am starting to feel that I need to break away from W a bit more and have my own space and life. I have some ideas how to achieve that but thats for next year at this stage .
