I see why you asked for a 2x4, but I am not sure that will carry enough wallop.
Here is what I see. The problem is you, not your husband. You are leaving him hanging in the wind because you don't know what you want. I would not be as nice as he has been. You are not being fair to him and from the beginning, you have not been understanding of his situation. If I am reading this correctly, he had problems and your reaction was to kick him out. Not very understanding.
Now, as you said, you have to get your s**t together. That is an understatement. Last time I posted the impression was that you wanted to save the marriage; this time, no hope for reconciliation. You need to decide what you want. And no matter what, you do owe your husband an apology.
Now, figure out what you want. Doing what you are doing is not fair to anyone. And these is no way I can support what you yourself don't know.
Now. Get yourself together, then we can go from there.
