Still Dancin'

[Gone Dancin']

hey christa,

couldn't find you on myspace under the name "christarn" -- is it because I don't have my own page or just because I have the name wrong?

GD

[Not Much Left]

Hey GD
How are things w/ you?

[Gone Dancin']

CVA -- thanks for checking in, brotha!

If you get the time just read (or skim!) back through my last few journaling posts and you will see. Detaching more and more all the time, and feeling better and better as a result! Handled a surprise encounter with W's BF quite well the other day, and it seems to have made things more comfortable between W and I. All progress, whether only for friendship or something more sometime down the road.

GD

[christarn]

GD, I need to send you my email...I tried to via private message, but it says you have too many!!!!!!!! Sorry, I just didn't want to post my email on the boards. Let me know how to get it you! hugs, christa

[Puddle]

Hey GD,

Sounds like things are taking a concrete turn for the better between you and W. I think your assessment about your W's comfort is right on.

Whether or not this will lead to her return, I think this is a huge step for two reasons: 1) You're building the foundation of a friendship that will serve you (and your children) well for life and 2) it reinforces the fact that you've made huge strides in your own life---I'm impressed with your maturity and self-reflection at such a young age. You've come a long way, and you deserve to be proud of yourself.

Take care.

[Gone Dancin']

christa,

Email me at [e-mail].

puddle,

Sounds like things are taking a concrete turn for the better between you and W. I think your assessment about your W's comfort is right on.

Me too -- pretty comfortable interactions since the pressure has been apparently lifted. We're meeting tomorrow night for S5's Parent/Teacher Conferences. Should go well.

I'm impressed with your maturity and self-reflection at such a young age.

Ha! Maturity and self-reflection! That's a good one... jk

Thanks for the compliment, puddle. I've always been a firm believer that maturity and intelligence are a direct result of experience and immersion in a variety of situations, as long as such situations are used as learning opportunities. I've lost all of my family to death over the years (aside from my kids and a dad I never grew up with), I've lost my job as a teacher, I've lost my W (and kids half the time). What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, as long as we focus on what we can learn from these difficult times and make the most of them. I tend to think that as long as I keep reminding myself of this, I will continue to better myself and become a stronger, more complete person.

So, thanks again, puddle. And I must say that I find a lot of strength and knowledge to be gained from all of your posts, whether on my thread, your thread, or someone else's thread.

GD

[Not Much Left]

Hey GD
See, I'm not the only one that says you are wise for your years! Unfortunately, losing my family at a young age and W (apparently) did not seem to help me in that area.

Signed, still maturing at 44

C

[Gone Dancin']

Thanks, CVA -- I just talk a good game (allegedly)!

Journaling,

Well, W and I met at S5's school for parent/teacher conferences last night. W was pretty distant again, and seemed a little uncomfortable. I don't really know why -- I feel like I've demonstrated enough acceptance of things and have completely backed off of pursuing her in any way, so one might think she'd feel more relaxed around me. I WAS pretty cleaned up and smelling good, but only because I was going to my dance performance team practice directly after the conference (didn't think it would hurt for W to see and smell me this way though ). Maybe she felt I had done this for her -- oh well, who knows and who cares, right?

Anyway, just lots of eye contact avoidance. We did laugh about a few things (like being unable to find the right hallway and classroom, things the teacher mentioned about S5, etc), but overall there was some obvious distance, I think. I wasn't really bothered by it though -- just more of the same from her, that's all. Pretty used to it by now, and with having no expectations, it makes accepting it SO much easier. We got outside, brief comments about S5 and school as we walked to our cars, then said goodbye and parted ways.

She called this morning and left a message on my phone to call her back at work so she could wish D4 happy B-day (she's 4 today!). I called her back about 90 min later and let her talk with D4 for a while. I did overhear W ask D4 what we were doing, but I'm pretty sure it was just small talk with D4 and had nothing to do with me. I got back on the phone after a few minutes, reiterated the b-day party plans for tomorrow, then said, "Well, see you tomorrow," and initiated the hang up first.

That's pretty much it -- the song remains the same with my sitch. I'm not sure if W is bringing her BF to D4's party or not, but if she does I'm going to do my best to continue communicating in a friendly manner with him, and just focus on making D4's party a great time for her and her friends.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

GD

[PMA_Baby!]

GD - Thanks for sharing. I still think your waw has anger/resentment issues to work out. She still is holding on. She might be blaming u for having to do all this. She will eventually start looking within herself. Hopefully that is. But, chances are she will. Sounds like you're doing great though. I keep on using your levels of detachment as examples
of where I should be at.

Good Luck. Broken

[Not Much Left]

Hey GD, sounds like all is OK? Think Mandy Moore? Kind of like Amanda? Sorry, I forgot you are just a kid! Your entitled to look at the 20 yr olds, I unfortunately am not! Oh wait, I can look and do, just no touchy!