I Was Almost A Walk-Away Wife (next thread)

[sandi2]

Hey AmyC,

Good to hear from you. I have tried to find you. Are you hiding out?

Anway, it makes me feel good to know my friend is watching over me still. I think we think alike. The thing that has kept me going in Church and not giving up is the fact that when I start feeling guilty "now" about what happened in the past with the OM....I know that is just what the enemy wants me to do is to take my sign down and stop doing anything. I do get very weary at times and this blasted depression really gets me down, but the Church has been my life, so I will keep on keeping on as long as I can muster enough energy to get there. And when I reach that point, well then I know God won't forsake me even if I can't make it to His house.

However, I do seem to get a little sensitive toward Cemar when he starts telling me what the "Christian" thing to do would be.....lol.

[RealJourney]

So, I just trying to decide which is the worse of the evils.....depression or the side-effects of the meds.

It is a hard decision, isn't it? I remember when I went on the AD this last go-around that within 2 weeks I felt so much better...night and day better...it felt like such a blessing. But after awhile, the side effects really got to me, and as I've discussed before, I tapered off the AD. It's been about a month, and I am still doing well emotionally, but I know that I am not off the hook with this depression thing. And the compromise I have made is that I will take medicine for intervals of time, instead of thinking that it has to be a long term solution.

I think that people stay in the rut of depression when the environment around them has no chance for change. Keep trying to shake things up in your marriage...you are doing this for YOU!

Hey Lou, Best wishes for an easy hernia repair and quick recovery!

[Scottymack]

Hi AmyC, read your post earlier and I am praying desperately for my W to come to her senses. As I have said before, if anyone is deeply involved with their faith, no one can tell me that having an A and such does not cause them big time problems at church.
My W is now at the point where she doesnt want to be seen with me at church, and when I go by myself, everyone is constantly asking where my W is. I tell them that she likes to go to early, and I like to sleep in.
So now I am covering (maybe lying would be more correct)for my W.
Still trying to do my DBing, GAL, and 180's. Have to tell you that we babysat the 7 month nephew of my D's boyfriend, on friday nite and we had fun.
It is tough to try to give my W space when these things are going on.
It is hard trying to spend time with my kids, as both are in college and tend to have their own lives now. But I think my S knows something is wrong with his mom, as we went for a walk on Sat and he asked what has happened to her. All i could say was that she is not the same person she was 6 months ago.
I think he knows more than he tells me, and it kills me to know that my W is destroying the whole family for her little bit of fun.
Will try to post later on my MLC thread. Thanks

[Lillieperl]

Thanks, sandi, for the details... it's hard to watch someone you love not take care of herself. Sounds like it's necessary for YOUR sanity for you to let her do it her way. You can't make an adult toe the line-- trying to just upsets both of you. Sorry you're having to deal with this-- just one more thing on your plate.

[sandi2]

Yeah, I think a lot of my health problems are a result of the stress for so many years. You know, no let up and day after day, year after year. Of course, there were many other things that added to the pressure and problems. I think that some of that probably had its effects on the M too. At least, we didn't have the problems in the M that we do now.....we were closer to each other. My H is not one that will "talk" about things with me and I needed to talk about our D and the stuff she was going through and putting us through as well. However, he was always the kind to stick his head in the sand and not deal with it. Well, it doesn't go away by doing that. But, that was part of the emotional needs that I had that was not filled. I guess that is why I have a problem with people telling me to go in there to him and for me to do this and that to make the M better. I know I shouldn't feel that way and I don't all the time.....just when I'm moody...lol. But, like the guys have told me today, if it was my H on here instead of me...they would tell him. He is still bad to just stare at the TV when I try to talk to him and I resent it a lot. It is hard to feel close to a person when they treat you like that. I tried to tell him that it was disrespectful and he got better, but he still relaps sometimes.

[Dom R]

He is still bad to just stare at the TV when I try to talk to him and I resent it a lot. It is hard to feel close to a person when they treat you like that. I tried to tell him that it was disrespectful and he got better, but he still relaps sometimes.

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but seriously... Buy a tivo.

Then when you want to chat with him, he can always put whatever is on, on "pause".

Then he will never have to feel like he has to "miss something", to talk with you.

[sandi2]

Oh sweetie, thank you, but that's not it. I don't think it is that he's afraid of missing anything as it is just the poing of not talking to me. I think in the beginning of our M, he didn't know what to say, and instead of politely telling me that, he just stared at the TV. He was his escape or excuse or crutch whatever you want to call it. I call it his cop-out. Even though he isn't as rude as he used to be since I got so ugly with him and told him that he would never dream of treating a stranger that way, and that I was going to start showing him how it felt by ignoring him and he said, "Oh, I don't do that to you every time!" I answered, "Ok then, I'll just ignore you part of the time, then." Anyway, ever since then, he has been a little better and just does it part of the time....lol. But, here lately, he seems to be falling back into those older habits. What did I start out to say? lol......oh yes, well, that was it, I feel that I am interupting him whenever I want to say anything to him and he can't drag his eyes away from the TV screen long enough to look at me.

But thanks for thinking of me anyway. I appreciate it. You and Lou have been so sweet to stick by me through my bad days and better days. Unlike some that I have given a hard time to, you all keep coming back for more....lol.

[sandi2]

Hey Everyone,

Well, posted something but think I lost it, so hope it doesn't get on here twice. Have a question for all of you. When talking about LD in women....well I guess it would apply to both genders, but when they say that meds can cause low sexual desire and may be hard to reach a climax, it got me to wondering. Do you think that LD means that a person doesn't want to have sex as often, just not interested in having sex, doesn't receive as much pleasure b/c can't feel the sesation of the sexual act as intently as others do, doesn't get horny, or can't reach a climax easily. Or, is it all of the above?

Now, I would like to hear you comments about that regardless of taking meds or not. But, if you have taken meds and it made a difference, I'd like to know in what ways (in detail...lol). As I told some of you, I was on quite a bit of AD meds before....too much in fact, and if left me feeling "dead" inside. I went to get a sample of the Zoloft today to see if I could tolerate it b/c don't want to go through what happened last time. The two main side-effects that I've heard about this med is weight gain and lowered sex drive. Well, I really can't afford either one, but I am very tired of the depression. I still don't know which way I should go, but I guess if it gets too bad, I can always back off.

So, let me know what you think, please.

[Dom R]

Oh sweetie, thank you, but that's not it. I don't think it is that he's afraid of missing anything as it is just the poing of not talking to me.

Sandi...
making negative assumptions about him, is what gave you a lousy marriage for 11+ years.

It MIGHT be true. it might not be.
and/or, he MAY be avoiding talking to you, but not for anything to do with YOU: it may be because he isnt a good conversationalist. Or other things.

the point is.. you dont KNOW for sure.
Not trying things out, based solely on making the worst negative assumption about his reasoning, is needlessly depriving yourself of potential happiness, hmm?

I think you should at least talk to him about it.

[sandi2]

I have talked to him about it since the first month of marriage.