Hey Why so down today? Ok stupid Question I have my bad days also like yesterday. today I am better. If you are really Down I can swing by and pick you up. You can help me clean MIL bathroom. She is 86 and can't see well and the bathroom needs cleaning bad.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
The one thing that I know I am very sensitive (and defensive) about is the fact that all the men here seem to think it is my responsibility to make the first move. Right? But why?
Even if there was no EA.
Even if there were no ED issues.
I would still say that you need to make the first move. Because of all of the following reasons:
1. Because he wont (and no, that is not a reason for you not to try either! )
2. Because you can only control your own actions, not his.
3. Because you DO CONTROL your own actions!
4. because if you do "get some", you know it will help you. you know this. You also know, that you arent expected to "feel" that this is true. You know, mentally, that "just doing it" (in a way that does not feel degrading to you), will get things flowing for you.
So... "just do it".
:P
The EA, and ED issues, are just more reasons, on top of the ones I have just said.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Sandi The one thing that I know I am very sensitive (and defensive) about is the fact that all the men here seem to think it is my responsibility to make the first move. Right? But why? Because you are here posting. If your H was here posting,we would be telling thin the same thing. He has to make the first move.
Sandi OK I will tell your H to make the first move.
Did he hear me??????? NO!
Can you hear me???? YES.
Like Dom said, do it for you, yes for you. If you can't do it right now, that is OK.
I am not being critical, just want you to have what you want, even if it seems difficult.
I can't tell you how many times I did things that should have been done by BB because someone had to do them.
With me, it was a spiritual conviction that caused a continual conflict in my soul. I could not go to church and do the job of teaching Sunday school when I knew that I was trying to live a "double life" in some ways. It just wasn't something I personally could do. It began to consume me. I went for weeks on end that I would miss church simply b/c I couldn't mix the two lifestyles.
Originally Posted By: Scottymack
Sandi, your post from yesterday about being involved in church, has hit home with me. As I have said before, my W is heavily involved in church, and I am thinking that this is what is causing her to have such mood swings. I cant believe anyone that makes church important in their life will not have an attack of conscience when they do these things.
When in MLC and having an A, I continued to go to church but only for a little while before the pews became more like hotseats. I stopped teaching Sunday school because that little voice whispered in my ear "who do you think you are to tell these children about Jesus and salvation? Look at you!". Eventually I quit going. When I had ended the affair and then began to come out of MLC, I went back to church and taught the kids a couple more times. That voice was right there one morning whispering to me again but instead of running away in shame when the voice again said "who do you think you are to teach these kids about Jesus and salvation?" I said "I am one who knows firsthand about His grace and His mercy."
Through whatever means he can, the enemy will always take a person further down than they want to go and he will keep them there longer than they want to stay. If a believer is caught up in this kind of struggle, one for their very soul, their husband/wife's job is to pray them through. To stand in the gap. A believer caught in this kind of struggle of the flesh has, in essence, become a non-believer. If you are a believer, you sanctify your unbelieving spouse - this is, you make them holy. You can't give up and leave them in the fire because Jesus didn't/wouldn't leave you there.
However, I would appreciate your prayer for my D b/c the doctor thinks she may have had a light heart attack. He run some tests today, but it will be three weeks before he sees her again. He comes once a month to our town.
Is this your daughter you're talking about? How old is she?
If this were my family member, I wouldn't wait any three weeks. I'd drive to the nearest city and get it checked out with a cardiologist. You may have reasons for not doing this, but then again, you may not have thought about it.
You said he ran tests today-- will you get the results soon, or will you have to wait three weeks for those?
Sandi, you're already feeling really bad... if (God forbid a thousand times!) something should happen before the doc comes again, you will NEVER forgive yourself for delaying investigation...
Again, you may have good reasons, and if so, I apologize for the 2X4... but if not, then get in the car and drive...
I live 50 miles from the nearest major hospital, but I drove my late H there several times in the middle of the night. We do have a small hospital in the small town where I live, but frankly, I wouldn't be caught dead there. That's one of the reasons I didn't call an ambulance... because I knew they would be required to take him there first.
Dear husband.....lol, thanks but no thanks. I can clean my own.
Also, thanks for caring about me being "down" yesterday. I have been give a prescription for anit-depression medication. But the first one, I couldn't tollerate and this one.....I'm still thinking about. Some say yes and some say no. It is Zoloft and the side-effects are weight gain (which I don't need) and a drop in sexual desire (which I sure don't need!) so I don't know what to do. But some days are really bad and yesterday was one of them. I have depression all the time, but some days are worse than others. So, I just trying to decide which is the worse of the evils.....depression or the side-effects of the meds.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I could sure use this. It would make the waiting game with W a little easyer. Well I hope you are feeling better today. I had a bad weekend but today is great. I will throw a little mojo your way.<<<<<<<<<<< MOJO >>>>>>>>>>>>
ok It should get to ya soon. Be Ready....
Husband
Last edited by husband; 11/05/0710:58 PM.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Thank you sweetie for your concern, it showed a lot in that post and I appreciated it very much. My daughter is 41 and has had very brittle diabetes since she was 15. That means that it cannot be control and she has many,many health problems as a result of it. She has been married and divorce three times and they were all b/c the husbands could not deal with the health issues. I almost lost my mind over it until I finally had to come to a point that I realized I could only do so much and the rest was up to her and God. By "her", I mean the smoking. The doctors have tried to tell her all these years what it was doing to her, but she will not even try to stop. I cried and begged and pleaded.....nothing would make her stop. Her son has gotten so mad at her, but that did nothing. I think she is scared, but I doubt it will be enough to make her stop.
She is on disability and medicaid. So, that limits us to what we can do. So many doctors won't even see medicaid patients. The doctor she is seeing is the best for these parts. He comes from the capitol city down here once a month.....which does sound bad, but we can get her to the ER fast if we had to. It is a long story so I won't go into all of it. I guess it must sound terrible to another person and may sound like I'm not trying to do enough as a parent, but when they are 41 years old, they do what they want to do and there isn't much we can force upon them. I worry about her, but, God forgive me, I think I have given up to a certain degree simply b/c I knew if I didn't try to stop thinking about it I would lose my mind. I guess b/c of the hell we went through when she was younger.....maybe something in me just kicked in as a self preservation thing....I don't know. Year after year we were told she would not live to see too many more years. We were told she would go blind......other stuff as well. So, I think I've tried to brace myself for the worse for so long until it has kind of done something to me. Anyway, I'm sure that has something to do with my depression. Two kids and both on disability!
Anyway, like I said, thanks for your concern. I always talk and try to give her my advice as to what I think she should do....for all the good it does.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
