Calling All Cats :)

[cat03]

thanks gals)))) I always enjoy seeing you in my thread

[cat03]

oh well, I had to do it. The guy I was chatting with is so much fun and time goes by so fast when we chat. One thing led to another and we exchanged picts (no face no nudity) and I realized I was doing something wrong. He isnt' looking for an R just some fun, but he prob thinks i'm a single chick or something and our convos are flirty, and I realize my H would be mortified if he knew about it.

So I sent an offline msg to that guy and told him in so many words that I didnt' want to be deceitful but that I am in a relationship and that I inteded to stay in it. So he may not talk to me anymore, I will miss that, but he was getting the wrong idea, he even said i was too good to be true, and I couldnt' handle that anymore.

I can't pray to God to heal my M while flirting online with a guy, it is a form of infidelity and I'm not doing it, I should know better by now.

[ediemarie]

Hey there! thanks for swinging by my thread...i totally appreciate your words and prayers...thank you!`

WOW to ending it with on-line guy. That must have been tough. Good for you! I give you credit for nipping it in the bud. Nice work! I was just speaking today with a friend of mine who is going through a D and she found herself in a situation on Friday night with a married man that she shouldn't have been in. We were talking about how easy it is to fall into the trap of reaching out to those members of the opposite sex that reach to us in our times of need. It is easy to do because it's so NICE to hear good things about ourselves from someone else. Such a boost! Good save, Cat!

[azhira]

I think we all feel that tug from time to time...it's perfectly normal. The trick is, as you did, to cut it off before it becomes an actual problem.

[DiDi]

Now YOU get the standing ovation lady!

It is soooo hard. All we really want is for our own husbands to see us that way. sigh.

The poor guy was doomed for a heartbreak though, he'd have fallen madly in love whilst he least expected it.

[cat03]

you know, in a very very microscopic way I can sort of see why cheating spouses have such a hard time ending it with the op. If I had not said anythign he prob would've never know, the online guy, when IMing with him I was a happy care free person and had such a great time, haven't smiled or laugh so much in a while.

I actually anguised over telling him, and as of this morning, i'm actually afraid to check what he said (my msg was send when he was offline). I'm afraid that I've hurt his feelings (even though I never did promise anything nor he offered an R), I'm afraid of looking bad on his eyes.

I can't imagen what it must be like for people who actually had a physical R for months (i've only chatted IM with the guy for a week and a half and I feel a knot in my stomach) and who made promises and plans, to just come up and say "you know, I've been lying to you and this is over".

[Aud31]

Sorry you're dealing with knots in your stomach today Cat...It would really suck to have sincere feelings for more than one person. Easy to fall into, and so hard to pull out of.

[DiDi]

I can't imagen what it must be like for people who actually had a physical R for months (i've only chatted IM with the guy for a week and a half and I feel a knot in my stomach) and who made promises and plans, to just come up and say "you know, I've been lying to you and this is over".
.................................................

I just never knew there were so many shades of grey. It all seemed so black and white like in the fairy tales and prime time sit-coms I grew up with.

To sift out right from wrong and set boundries based on what we know now... knowing we will know more later... it's painful but enlightening at the same time.

It was only by reading this site that I realized I actually had an EA. I didn't ever think of it as such. Never thought much about it at all because it was just harmless chat on the computer with someone miles away. Ha.

Another lifetime ago (OK, it was really only about 10 years ago it just seems like a different life), we got our first PC. Our youngest had just started first grade and I had the house to myself. H worked constantly, I was SAHM/self-employed bartender/entertainer part time nights. I was in the public all the time and never gave "real" men the time of day (or night).

I got myself an AOL account though and met all kinds of new friends. First it was groups. Then IMs. Then one guy emailed me about a comment I'd made on the message board that we "talked in public on".

I guess it was the respect he had for my opinion. He was a well respected poster on a male-dominated message board. We emailed. We im'd. It was a hoot.

We were both married. Were fans of two different sports teams and bantered about them back and forth. We flirted. He sent the pic first. I remember, now, as clearly as then, the thrill of opening those emails and playing without ever crossing the line. I even sent a pic. Not of my "real" face. It was in a kind of costume with a painted face.

I can't remember why we stopped emailing each other, but I think one-- or both of us got too close and/or reconnected at home and weren't as bored/felt funny. I just know that if I'm honest, now, it was crossing the line way before we stopped communicating. It also would have been so easy to slip into something more. I was "happily married". Go figure.

Until my H had an affair, I never even gave the incident another thought. Until you all helped me own up to my own part in why our marriage was nearly destroyed, I never looked at the part of me that thought I needed more than I was getting. The part of me that didn't know how to ask for it, and that didn't know I could find it for myself.

I never understood "HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO ME?!?!?"--- never picked up a "relationship" book in my life. Never even realized I was thisclose or faced that until becoming a part of this painful club.

Never knew I could forgive someone who could so easliy destroy our family and cast it all away. That I would fight for him. That I would come to understand how it can be hardest to do what, in our hearts we want to do the most.

Heh. Divorce Busting: Everything you never wanted to know about marriage and never thought to ask...

Cat, you are gutsy and honest and amazing and I hope his reply is reassuring and he respects you for being true to yourself.

[cat03]

ever understood "HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO ME?!?!?"--- never picked up a "relationship" book in my life. Never even realized I was thisclose or faced that until becoming a part of this painful club.
=======================================

we got jackets It could me writing what you've just posted.

hugs Kel coming to this board was the bestthing that could've happen to me, I've found the most amazing people ever.

[cat03]

ok, already have butterflies on my stomach, we are going tomorrow to our first MC session after that first and last one when the crap hit the fan in August.

H wasn't too thrilled with the time, it's 9am, only day he can sleep in this week and said he'd be in a dissadvantage because he usually sleeps that day (well, not really, he has to care for my d4 when I leave for work) I did ask him that if he felt that we we could do it another time but he said he'd go.

I know he's not crazy about it, last time I think the C was somewhat stern (in a fatherly way) about the lies and the A and my H didnt' feel as well with him (though he wanted to see him on his own the following week but it never happened)

Pray that I am solution oriented and not go there to whine about what isn't there (my C is great at keeping our eyes ahead, phew!) that something good comes out of it. smooches to all!