More complicated than I imagined...

[Michael Mc C]

Yep, definitely need to lean from time to time. Thanks for checking in on me. This weekend was really good actually from a R perspective - not so much a M perspective though. All in all, we all had some fun together.
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A lot of catching up to do:

Finances are the biggest thing right now. We're look into debt consolidation AND debt management. She has yet to find a job but I can sit and wait only for so long. She has 'looked' but she hasn't exactly been knocking on doors... I have taken the lead here, even though she said she would help with managing our bills, and started calling around. I asked her this morning to take care of the calls but by the time 2:30 rolled around, she still hadn't. Enough waiting, our kids are depending on us damn it! In hindsight, I almost wish I had told her that...

D11 is going to Hunter next weekend for a birthday party - this past weekend was for the moms. Anyway, the latest plan is that she will bring D11 up there and spend the weekend. One way or the other, I'm going to be sure I have plans of my own for me, D13 and S8. If she does go, I don't want her to think I have nothing to do while she's away. If she stays here, I don't want her to think that I'm sitting around waiting for her input.

The decision about our NC trip may no longer be in our hands. My FIL is very ill so we're thinking about staying local. W admitted she has mixed feelings about going but from what she has said, it's only because of her father's condition.

I have plans to give W a card tomorrow (a.m., p.m., not sure yet) regarding anniversary. Nothing major, just something to mark the occasion.

BIL and his GF stopped by unexpectedly last night with 2 bottles of wine. It was a pre-anniversary surprise (they are fully aware of our current sitch so it was a little awkward). Near the end of the evening BIL asked us if we had plans for Tuesday. Wife wasn't sure why he was asking about Tuesday (she's never been good with dates). He said "It's your anniversary jackass!"

She took it okay (since it's her brother). I didn't appreciate it as much but took it in stride - no comments, no looks. He said it jokingly but was definitely trying to make a point.

Her response was that we were shipping the kids over to his place so we could have wild monkey sex!

Hah! If only.

"wild monkey sex" - my wife is a riot, I really love (and had been missing) her sense of humor.

The fun the 4 of us were having, however, ended when W booted up the computer to play her game. BIL's GF began crying, discretely, because she "no longer has a friend" (they share the same birthday and have been best of friends since we moved back from Denmark in July of '99). I tried to comfort her, understanding the sense of loss. I told her that it's not so much that the friend is gone, it's just that the friend is lost at the moment. It seemed to help a little but I refused to make excuses for W. I will not be able to take away all the pain that has been caused. W will hopefully take some time and action to help rebuild all these relationships that have fallen by the wayside - and there are so many that have.

Anyway, I don't expect much in the way of her acknowledging tomorrow. If I give her the card, I'm sure I'll get a thank you and possibly a "I wasn't sure if we were doing anything this year". BTDT a few years ago unfortunately. Might even get a "What the hell were you thinking?"

I'm going to act as if she is going to be pleased with the card, although I'm preparing for any one of the 3 responses above (there are probably other possibilities but I imagine they would just be variations of the above). Regardless of how it turns out, I will be sure to remain grounded.

Anyway, still got the PMA going. Still reading up on, and putting into practice, techniques for maintaining the PMA and self-esteem. It's funny that even though it all makes perfect sense, every once in a while I need to get knocked in the head to realize that I'm not doing anyone any favors by NOT being who I truly am or not living with my goals in mind.

Thanks!