To add to what JM said, also make sure you don't bully her and be a jerk about things you both want. If it is a non-negotiable for you, then be cool, calm, collected, and consistent with why you want it, think it should be this way, etc. Don't let your emotions drive your actions. Be reflective -- show her that you're willing and able to be thoughtful with respect to the situation, and that you're not going to make rash decisions, show her your "more of the same" behaviors, etc. Like cherrisher said -- let her go, and witness changes take place as a result. Maybe they'll be changes in her feelings, but they will definitely be changes in YOU and YOUR R with her, and they will be for the better.
Look at this as an information gathering mission, you are going to find out what she wants and expects. (at this moment)
Like so many have stated, this isn't the time or place for "us" because there isn't any now.
Choose what's important and only fight the battles necessary, if any. Remember this is a mediation, a chance to feel each other out for the possibility of an amicable solution to a ever changing course of events.
Remember life here is finite but the possibilities are infinite.
How's that for a paradox?
cire
Me 48 X's vary S 27 S 18 Back with high school sweety after 30 years..
I have no intentions of being a jerk. This situation was mostly my fault and I will not place blame. We were good together but just got lost in all the stress but now it is about the kids and what is best for them.
We both hurt each other and somehow we need to heal and being vindictive will get me nowhere. I still love her dearly and can only regret that I am losing someone I love so much.
I intend to be very firm BUT a gentleman.
Me: 41 W: 40 D5, S4 Bomb Dropped: 7/8/2007 Status: W has moved out with kids 8/25/2007
Tomorrow is the meeting with the mediator. I have been going over my game plan and a list of issues we need to agree on. One BIG thing that I have learned through this is that I will never again take for granted being a father!! I took my M and my F for granted but that stops now!!! My children mean the world to me and I will be there for them and I will fight for my parental rights.
Me: 41 W: 40 D5, S4 Bomb Dropped: 7/8/2007 Status: W has moved out with kids 8/25/2007
Had a small blowout earlier in the day we were to go to medition.I was concerned that the mediator was the attorney she consulted with twice before. I called the attorney and expressed my concern to which the attorney removed herself from the mediation process. My W got really angry and proceeded to find a new mediator from the yellow pages(my M has gone to being ended via the yellow pages).
We went to the new mediator and she was fully prepared with her checkbook to pay 1/2 the cost and she wants me to pay the other 1/2. I said:"I don't want to be here and I have to pay 1/2"?? Then the attorney explained the process and my W was so anxious to get started but we had not even discussed one issue before arriving for the mediation.
She was getting frustrated that I was being uncooperative so I asked her to go outside so we could talk. She asked why I was being difficult and why I was dragging my feet. Once again, I told her that I wasn't ready for such important decisions and was not ready to break apart our family.
I then told her that I want 50/50 custody and she didn't blink an eye and asked how I would manage with work. I said I have it all planned out but I must admit I was totally shocked that she agreed so easily. Makes me wonder if she even cares about her children or is just being free making her selfish??
She said that she has been very cooperative in letting me see the kids whenever I wanted and she mentioned that I asked to have the kids for T-Day dinner. She said that she was ok with it even though her whole family(cousins and all) were coming and our kids would not be there until dessert by which time every one will have left so it would be my kids her and her parents only.
She said some very hurtful things in that I could not support our family then and I am not supporting them now(because I won't give her hundreds and hundreds of dollars per week). She continues to be firm that this is what must be because she cannot count on me for financial support and that I ruined our financial future. Also saying that if I planned our finances as well as I prepared for our meeting that we would probably not be in this position.
She says she prays for me every week at church that I will get myself together and find someone that makes me happy(how cruel)!! She is as determined as ever to get rid of me and move on.
Her willingness to agree to anything clearly shows to me how much she wants to be free to be with OM. This agreement will be about our children's well being for the next 14 years+. Her pushing me to just get it done so we can move on is just so hurtful in that I can be discarded and she doesn't seem to consider that she will not be with her children half the time every week.
Just not a very good situation and I am looking forward to all those that wish to comment.
Me: 41 W: 40 D5, S4 Bomb Dropped: 7/8/2007 Status: W has moved out with kids 8/25/2007
You did very well. She is running on emotion so what do you expect - of course she is in a hurry.
Quote:
She says she prays for me every week at church that I will get myself together and find someone that makes me happy(how cruel)!! She is as determined as ever to get rid of me and move on.
Hey, I got that too. They don't do it to be cruel. That is their guilt talking. If they think you will be happy then their guilt goes down - like they are doing us a favor.
The hurtful things about the money is good really. They have to get that anger out so that they can get past it. Then they may start to reconsider thier ultimate destination.
