I am right there with you - what's the point of getting married if it doesn't mean anything anymore, anyway???
48 hour rule is good, but glad you vented here - and know you'll do what's right for you.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Sorry, SD, sounds like a downhill for you on the ol' roller coaster.
Question: You "bombed" H a while back. It seemed like he was appropriately scared and starting to shape up. What happened to get you back to this place? What did you do? What did he do?
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
How's it going SD? Any improvement after the 48 hour mark?
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
It's been a week...and I'm calmer, but still a little frustrated.
Apparently, H wants to quit his job with no guarantee of any income and no plans except to "figure out what he wants" indefinitely. Which would be fine except then we're $1000K short of being able to pay our bills every month BEFORE factoring in groceries. And his grand plan is to live off of the HELOC.
Seriously, if that's what he pushes to do, I'm going to push for a D/legal separation to protect myself financially. I support him following whatever path he wants, but it's not okay to put me in the position where I might be bankrupt. Not going there, and it's okay to have that as a boundary.
I guess I'm just sort of tired. I'm tired of being the bad guy because I expect him to be responsible. Before we moved here, there was a point where things were so bad at my job and for me emotionally/mentally that I was truly having a breakdown. I *needed* to quit and get myself healthy, but I didn't do that because it would have put us in financially jeopardy. What I did was brainstorm a solution with H so I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I guess I'm sort of aggravated because it's not like this job has suddenly become a burden. Nothing has changed in the 2 1/2 years he's been there, so why, suddenly, does he just need to quit with no plan? Without even having a conversation with me to figure out a strategy for him to get out without causing us serious harm?
Anyway, I'm still puzzling through all of this. Not much to say except that. Thanks to everyone who's checked in on me.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Hang in there SD. A couple of thoughts occur to me off the cuff:
First, this frustrated, not knowing what he wants, wandering off in a destructive and aimless direction, selfish attitude - man, that just reeks of MLC to me. Do ya think? Does HE recognize it as such?
Second, in the context of MLC, maybe his saying "I want to quit" is a lot like when my W said "I'm moving out in a month." He may really mean it at the time - but possibly that's his confusion venting and not what he is really going to do. I know with my W, venting these crazy half-baked plans was a LOT different than actually "pulling the trigger."
In that case, would taking an approach similar to what I said to W be a workable approach - something like "You do what you gotta do, but don't expect me to be happy about it or to lift one finger to help you make it happen."
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
