There and Back #12

[SallyM]

yep neph, it is empowering. I'll tell you, though, I'm sick as all get out on being empowered every tuesday when I haul to freaking garbage to the curb. lol.

sigh. one thing ow has going for her, she'll never have to touch garbage again. h is wonderful at dealing with it. now he just sits back and watches me do it if he's here. nice, huh? ass.

sorry, a little detour there.

I e-mailed h earlier asking if it would be okay if I let him know next week about my thoughts on where to roll the pension. in the same e-mail asked him if the oprah tape was at ow's house, if he would bring it tomorrow. if its at his mom's house, would he please tell her where it is and I'd arrange to get it from her.

haven't heard from him on it, instead got an e-mail forward from him on freaking cookie recipes. ????????

yeah, I don't get it, either. oh, wait, its because he is being kind and considerate and knows how much I love baking with the kids. guessing I'll get my answer on the other stuff someday, this was more important.

wow, that's sounds more bitter than I feel right now.

I vaccumed down in my basement today...it all looks sooooo much better than it did. so nice and neat and put away and such. I definitely have more to do, but like i said, taking a break from the sentimental stuff, even non-h sentimental stuff isn't good for me. I did, however, put the poem I wrote about my college boyfriend on my mirror on my vanity. its a poem I wrote about an attraction that was really powerful for me, but we were both seeing other people at the time, so it couldn't go anywhere (novel idea, huh?).

I remember those emotions so well...that electric charge. I'm guessing that's what h feels with ow, so trying to remember that. yes, our eventual break-ups with our bf/gf was difference than ending a marriage, but still, there are some similarities its good for me to remember. I have a lot of guilt about breaking up with the bf I broke up with in order to see college bf, but I did it cleanly, I didn't treat him like garbage and such, like H has done. but I also remember very clearly how annoying I thought old bf was being...so needy, so clingy, like velcro, only worse...god, the crying, the anger, the rebukes, it all just was awful and made me want to run from him even further than I did. nothing he did would have changed things for me. there was zero he could have done, I would have been thrilled if he had acted as if or gal or any of the stuff I've been doing here. I would have been THRILLED for him to see someone, and when he finally was, I was genuinely happy.

so going to keep that poem up for a bit, to remind myself of this time and these experiences.