NikkiB #22 (almost separated)

[NikB]

ST
Glad you liked that little twisted thought of mine. That's cool you made your own paint color work! I haven't had a chance to try the green yet. I ended up spending $8 for it as they didn't have the $5 "sample" size here, so I just got the smallest one they had. The new stuff came from a local hardware store where they know me really well. The guy mixing it said that he's had a lot of customers really like this color, so that's a good sign! I was trying to decide between two shades on the same "strip" of colors and went with the lighter one - so if it's TOO light I can just have them add a little more color and get the darker shade.

Wow.. 5 years.. sad. Used to at least be a "7 year itch" wasn't it??? Wonder if it has more to do with changing times, or with people's ages since they are typically marrying later.. ? I actually heard something on the Today show a few months back that the latest generation of people marrying in their 20s are typically making it THREE years. Geez!! That's the case for my SIL.. they made it 2.5 I think.

Hey SuperDad,

Good to hear from you! I haven't read up on you in ages either, will need to do that. haha.. really, the "limbo land" forum. It's a weird thing to live together but be separated.

SD
I think you're so right about there being hard times but people used to try a lot harder to work THROUGH them. If this doesn't work, I will be curious to see what happens with my H. His Dad's been through this several times. Around the 5-7 year mark, things get rough, he bails. H has even commented on the pattern but, of course, "that's completely different, our situation isn't like all the other 5-7 year situations you hear about.." (how many times have we all heard THAT one??). It makes me so sad - for everyone who goes through it. Seems like in most cases people would be better off sticking with it instead of starting the same ol' pattern with someone new.

Very true on the color - in a funny way it felt good to try it and KNOW that I (all me, no one else's input) didn't like it. A little thing, but it felt good.

Dave
Thanks - yep, still here, still figuring this stuff out as I go.

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I had a pretty good weekend. Spent most of Saturday working on room stuff.

Sunday I went to lunch and a movie with my dad and little sister, for her birthday. Saw The Bee Movie and loved it!! Highly recommended for pretty much any age range. Plenty of humor in there for both the kids and the adults. My sis is only 11 but she's maybe 2 inches shorter than me now - it's so weird looking her eye to eye, I still think of her as a kid, but she's growing up fast!

My dad's having a really tough time. He keeps pushing his W (over and over) for answers about their "status." I actually respect her a lot, she's been very patient and has gone through it with him numerous times - more than most of us ever really get. They've met at least twice that I know of to talk through it. She came 'armed' with a time line and practically scripted list of things the last time, about a month ago. Apparently that wasn't enough heart break for him, so he emailed her again asking the same questions. She sent back a several page email with the same information - what went wrong, when it started, how she tried to tell him and how he didn't fix anything, you get the picture. One part of it she wrote "I understand he sense of loss you are going through, I went through it too when I lost my H 6 years ago." (meaning my Dad). Ouch. I REALLY wish he would quit doing this. All it's doing is 1. hurting the heck out of him and 2. making sure she is 100% crystal clear on why she left. Geez... quit reminding her!! At least now he has it in writing. Maybe he can just keep re-reading that if he wants to wallow, rather than pushing her to keep saying it.

Sunday night was kind of interesting. I was basically catching up on chores, nothing too thrilling, but H kept coming in to talk to me. He spent all day helping his sister move into her new apartment. She's the one who was married less than 3 years. For various reasons she got / will get almost NOTHING in the D. No $$ in house equity, no furniture, barely even any of the wedding gifts. Her H was a much better record keeper than she realized and was able to prove that the house and any equity was "his" due to separate money he brought into it. And in fact, she's lucky - her H could have pursued spousal support!! He was telling me all about it and how upset he was with her H. I listen..validate... did pretty well I thought, considering the circumstances.

I noticed that H was extremely nice and even acting kind of "lovey" a few times. Made an obvious point of leaving his phone out in the car and not doing any calling/texting. All weekend he was actually pretty funny, wondering what I was doing, where I was going, and most importantly (at least based on the fact that he'd ask 3-4 times in a row), who I was going with. Yep, I was vague. We barely saw each other all weekend, but last night he invited me to dinner and I accepted. I knew it was risky based on our last few dinners but I really did WANT to go (and it was a real invite, not an "I'm going to go eat, you can come if you're hungry") - I also felt he was respecting my boundaries on the texting and stuff Sat. and Sun. So, I took the chance and it was really nice. Had fun talking (which hasn't been fun in quite awhile!), and just generally enjoyed ourselves. Not allowing myself to get sucked in.. glad for the enjoyable time together, though. And yeah, I'm entirely aware that he may have realized from his sister's sitch that the more of an a$$ he is, the more I am likely to take the "hardball" approach if we D.. so it could entirely be a money thing.. still, glad we had an enjoyable dinner together.