"I want you to let me come home so I can take care D12 and her school work and the things inside the house so you can concentrate on things you like to do and the things you want to do, like build your business while we work on our relationship with each other".
Alleleuia!!!! I've been waiting for this day for a VERY long time. That's exactly what he wants to hear from you AmyC. He wants to be sure about you before he sticks his neck out again. Nice going! Letting go the false pride, what a great relief.
Love,
COG
PS Lately I've read some things on this board about what a low success rate there is, and it's true. There is a low success rate. But is that a function of this board, or of the individual heart. Not everyone is cut out, has the strength and courage to see things through the YEARS it may take to heal a broken M. But for those few who are willing to wait, to struggle, to fight, the rewards are plentiful, and the odds of failure are nil!
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
PS Lately I've read some things on this board about what a low success rate there is, and it's true. There is a low success rate. But is that a function of this board, or of the individual heart. Not everyone is cut out, has the strength and courage to see things through the YEARS it may take to heal a broken M. But for those few who are willing to wait, to struggle, to fight, the rewards are plentiful, and the odds of failure are nil!
Thank you COG. This is certainly a wonderful bit of wisdom.
No one said this would be easy. But the right thing to do is seldom easy. And the easy thing to do is seldom right.
Me - 43 and She -36. No kids. Married 7 yrs - Together 14 yrs
"I want you to let me come home so I can take care D12 and her school work and the things inside the house so you can concentrate on things you like to do and the things you want to do, like build your business while we work on our relationship with each other".
Alleleuia!!!! I've been waiting for this day for a VERY long time. That's exactly what he wants to hear from you AmyC. He wants to be sure about you before he sticks his neck out again. Nice going! Letting go the false pride, what a great relief.
Love,
COG
PS Lately I've read some things on this board about what a low success rate there is, and it's true. There is a low success rate. But is that a function of this board, or of the individual heart. Not everyone is cut out, has the strength and courage to see things through the YEARS it may take to heal a broken M. But for those few who are willing to wait, to struggle, to fight, the rewards are plentiful, and the odds of failure are nil!
congrats on where things are possibly headed for you now.
Would you mind posting a condensed recap version of where/when you started on the "bad" part of your marriage, and then how you got to here? (ie: bomb time, major things between then and now, and then how this happened?)
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
That's good news Amy! Don't let it drop. Like you said, at this point you have nothing to lose.
I know you think space is a problem, so I thought I would tell you a story. While we were sorting out getting our house built, we had all six of us living in a 1000 square foot apartment, four kids from 4 to 14. And for the last three or four months we had an exchange student, as well. With no real outside space of our own, and just a big sandy playground that the younger kids used now and then. And we were homeschooling at the time, so there wasn't even escape to school, though they went out a lot to other places for 'school'. For a while we had all four kids in the master bedroom (two sets of bunk beds) so we could have a room for the computer and 'stuff'. The point is, I don't think you should use space as an excuse, or let him use it as an excuse. There are ways around that if it takes a while to add on. And spending money on two homes is just delaying the possibility.
The only thing I'd think about adding is making sure that he knows that falling back into the drinking is not acceptable (since I don't think he's stopped, that's a tricky one). Otherwise, I don't see how you end up anywhere but where you are now, only with more anger and bitterness.
These kids are too old to share a room and since they've been split up, they have actually developed a good relationship. They were "arch enemies" before. We're not screwing that up. The house is just too small now.
Put em' in a tent outdoors.
That'll give more time for??? DB'ing
Amy, if you were the man i'd say you grabbed your seeds and made something happen, WTH you did and great job!!
cire
Me 48 X's vary S 27 S 18 Back with high school sweety after 30 years..
[quote] These kids are too old to share a room and since they've been split up, they have actually developed a good relationship. They were "arch enemies" before. We're not screwing that up. The house is just too small now.
AmyC and D in bedroom #1 H and S in bedroom #2
Or, do what I remember doing as a kid, put up a temporary partition in the dining room or living room or whatever, and someone gets that room. Or do you have a basement that is livable? Attic?
Not paying rent on apt means getting caught up on bills, and saving to make addition to house.
[quote] These kids are too old to share a room and since they've been split up, they have actually developed a good relationship. They were "arch enemies" before. We're not screwing that up. The house is just too small now.
AmyC and D in bedroom #1 H and S in bedroom #2
This has the advantage of taking some of the shock out of you 'moving back in'. It might actually be better than right into Jeff's (for now) room.
Or, do what I remember doing as a kid, put up a temporary partition in the dining room or living room or whatever, and someone gets that room. Or do you have a basement that is livable? Attic?
Not paying rent on apt means getting caught up on bills, and saving to make addition to house.
