I'm remembering what you said that H didn't like how you were fearful, or always got stressed out about things if they didn't happen the way you thought.... I would hate for your vulnerability to come across as the same.
As would I. An excellent point! Thanks.
H says I fret---if we're running late, if plans get changed at the last minute, if things don't happen the way I thought they would. He wondered if I was upset when he dropped the bomb because my life wasn't working out the way I'd planned, which, of course, was partly true.
I've been working hard at rolling with the punches, staying calm when plans change, etc. That's the fretting part. I don't think he's seen that part since the bomb. I'd be curious to know what he thinks.
The other part is fear about bigger things---whether I'm a good mom, whether I'm really good at my work, etc. When I was in therapy before the bomb, I shared some of my feelings about that stuff, and H was surprised by my feelings, said he had no idea my brain worked that way, was sympathetic and seemed impressed about how far I'd come. I have no idea where he thinks I am regarding that stuff now.
Okay, so there's some more info. I certainly don't want to show him more of the same.
We've been emailing back and forth about what we want to come out of an S/D, kid time, etc. Last night when I got home late and tired, I went to bed. H came in and asked if I wanted to talk, and I asked if we could do it another time; I was beat. So a talk is coming.
