Well, I have read some of your posts and have been through the same emotions myself. First thing, get tested for clinical depression...very common when you life is out of your control. There are many good web sites where you can test yourself. The best thing the antidepressants do is take away the wild mood swings that normally accompany these life-changing experiences.
Please seek professional help if you think you are depressed, otherwise you will not be able to think clearly about any of the issues you will be forced to face over the next few months to years.
For me, it has taken about 5 years to get over the shock! Eventually, you realize that there is nothing you can do to change how things are and then you will begin to think as how to protect yourself. How long it takes to get over this varies widely and there is very little that you can do to change the time frame as to when you will feel better. One day you just will, but you will be wiser and better. That I do promise.
I eventually felt better when I could finally look at my wife and feel no emotion at all. Neither love nor hate not anything else. That has been very helpful because I stopped trying to put a broken egg back together and therefore simply had more energy for living my life as it should be lived.
I hope these thoughts help. You are in the middle of a very difficult time and you are simply seeking a quite place in your life away from the "mess". That day won't happen overnight. Instead it will happen slowly and incrementally in very, very tiny steps and eventually one day you will feel human again.
