Still trying - Not very well

[limbo]

Thanks LN

I wish I knew how to link my posts!!

I have been "at this" for over a year, H had an EA/PA that ended fully in July of this year..We attended a retro weekend in September, and all seem to be well.
Yes through snooping find my H had reconnected with a very old flame through facebook...at my advice, I had said he should talk with family who lived a distance away.
He started talking to this women who had dated over a couple of summers when we was 18or 19....From seeing these interactions I could see how they were going, and I told him he was going into danger territory, however he swore they were just talking, at this time I didn't even know about the relationship they had.
Then through some big time snooping I found she had emailed him at work, and told him how she feels so close to him and regrets they didn't work, he then told her he felt they were sole mates, and wished that the child she had been pregnant with the last time he went back was his. He also told her that he would be on the next plane to her if she asked.

So we are now a couple of weeks past this, and to be honest this hurts more then when he had his actual affair. The depth of the emotion has been devasting to me, also the fact that we had been working so hard to build, that he could so easily do something so destructive.
So this is were I am at right now, trying to cope with this, and believe him, but its so hard! He is going to IC tomorrow, and to be honest I even worry that he isn't telling the truth with that!