WAW hasn't walked yet, but emotionally dead

[mako]

Came home yesterday from parents' house. W was not there. My brother in law was there, W had borrowed his car and went out. That is fine, he is a good person and we get along.

I decided to go to a movie to get out of the house. This is GAL and a big 180, I've gone to exactly one movie alone since I've been married. Told b-i-l I was going out and went. Before I left I noticed W's wedding ring on the dresser, so she stopped wearing it. That made me sad.

As I was leaving the movie, W called me all worried, wondering where I was. Apparently b-i-l thought I was just getting food, so they were all surprised I was gone several hours. I thought "What are you so worried about me for?" but didn't say anything like that.

Came home and was reading in my room, W came in after walking the dog. We talked about how terrible looking for an apartment is, and her recent job search. She mentioned again something about needing to straighten her head out, I asked her when she was going to start therapy and she said she needed to deal with moving and getting a job first, she's just in survival mode right now. I feel like her head is the most important thing to work on, but didn't mention that as it would have been unproductive. She wants to see where she'll live before getting a therapist anyway, as she won't have a car.

She also mentioned as always how sad this all is. I kind of snapped and said "if it's so sad why are you doing this?" I know, bad move, but I immediately apologized, saying I know we've discussed this plenty already and she didn't have to say anything to that...she didn't...a little more chit chat, then she left.

Anyway, today she is looking for housing and just generally staying away, said she'd spend a lot of time in a coffee shop with free internet, looking and applying for jobs. She made dinner already, and left it so I could warm it up later. This is odd, as for the past few months she's hardly made dinner at all.

She said she'd be home around 8 probably (she just left, it's 9am...long day). She said good luck, it'll be good for you (talking of my 1st therapy session today). I thanked her and said good bye, and that's where we are.

She is so nice to me it almost drives me mad sometimes. It'd be a lot easier to detach if she was vile and mean. I was detaching nicely over the weekend at my parents' house but the feelings came back when I came back here. Maybe I can look forward to some detachment when she actually moves out and I don't see her all the time. Anyway, I admit nice is better than mean, so I'll take it...I try my best just to be nice back.