do you still feel that adreneline surge now? trust me, I had my runaway train day last monday and it scared the crap out of me. I am not a person who is in general angry (well trained as a child to suppress it and all that), and it scared me because so much was coming out of me, and I felt powerless to stop it.
my therapist told me if I should ever get to that place again, that physical release is really helpful. not cardio, but actual contact with something...racketball, batting cages, kick boxing, punching a pillow at the very least, something very physical like that. she told me once that she was so angry about something one time that she moved an entire mulch pile...the whole thing. a huge one. (or was it compost? can't remember).
try it, neph, really go nuts on something like that, ride that tidal wave, but do it this way.
(((HUGS)))
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Oh neph. I can't say much more than the others, but wanted to send you my support. You aren't crazy, you are in a horrible situation caused by the H you thought you knew. But you see what it is doing to you, and its your responsibility to get it under control before you lose your kids. Glad about the lawyer and anger management.
Please remove yourself from any future contact. If he has any more stuff there, have someone else deliver it. Were your kids with you? I am thinking of you tonight.
The kids were at home with my mom. All his stuff is now gone. I have no reason to have anything else to do with him until we end up in court for one reason or another.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
Hugs to you Neph....can you think of something that you can focus on if you feel overcome to contact h?
Perhaps have a list of phone numbers of friends and family that you can trust by your phone so that if you are tempted to ring h you ring one of the others instead. I use my sister for this purpose...luckily she doesn't mind (unless I ring too late at night!)
I am doing ok. I woke up at 2, and couldn't go back to sleep. So I have been doing some paper work and thinking way too much. I have to go see my Family Law L today, fill her in on everything, and sign papers. I am filing for D. I will not even talk to him. He will have to go through my lawyers from now on. I now have two lawyers, so I guess that would constitute a "team" of lawyers. I'm going to let them do their jobs and work on putting my life back together. Last week was horrible. This week will be better. At least, that is the plan.
I am not hurting (at least at the moment). I am still peeved, but I am using the energy to keep my resolve. No more energy wasted ranting at him. I am going to fight smarter, not harder.
I'm going to try to crawl back into bed for a couple hours til the kids wake up.
I will keep everyone posted. I guess I'll be moving to "Surviving the Big D" forum soon.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
Thanks, Casey. At the moment, I don't want anything to do with him. I didn't plan on seeing him yesterday at all. I do have people to call, and I have here as well. I am done with him. Without a doubt, I am done.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
